Of Vegas Marriages, Genderbends, and Kenan and Kel
by Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin
Summary: Shanks, Crocodile, Doflamingo, and Mihawk go to Las Vegas for a secret wedding. But, what happens when the groom goes missing, the best man is genderbent, and an art thief is on the loose? Full summary inside. Crocodile x Doflamingo.
1. Nothing Started on the Advenna Avis

**Long Summary**: "It's a parody of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ that makes it look like a very bad dream. Dracule Mihawk is forced to marry Crocodile, or else Crocodile will lose his job as the mayor of Lougetown. But, Crocodile is in man-love with Donquixote Doflamingo, the star of a childrens' puppet show. So, what do Mihawk, Crocodile, and Doflamingo do? They sneak off to Las Vegas in true Hangover fashion so Crocodile can marry Doflamingo. But, things get VERY complicated when a gender-bending art thief genderbends the best man (Shanks), Doflamingo finds himself as the slave to a so-called empress, and Mihawk and Crocodile are sent to find them. Factor in the Phantom of the Opera, tigers, a lost baby, two Kenan and Kel impersonators, Ferraris, Monty Python references, and the city of Las Vegas, and you have the best Vegas trip since The Hangover!"

**Author's Note: **Long story short, Crocodile and Mihawk are forced into marriage. But, Crocodile and Doflamingo are in love. So, Crocodile, Doflamingo, Shanks, and Mihawk go to Vegas so Crocodile and Doflamingo can secretly marry. But, Shanks gets turned into a girl by an art thief and Doflamingo gets kidnapped by Hancock. So, Mihawk, fem!Shanks, and Crocodile must find the art thief and Doflamingo before the wedding.

**Warnings: Genderbending, yaoi undertones, Crocodile x Doflamingo, and crack.**

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece.**

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><p>It all began one beautiful, pretty, pretty beautiful, uke sparkly day in the city of Lougetown, California. But, things weren't so uke sparkly for pro golfer and swordsman Dracule Mihawk.<p>

"Well, excuse me, princess! I did not approve of this marriage!" Mihawk yelled to his teenaged roommate (read: moocher), Perona.

"I did. And, now, because of this giant sex scandal Crocodile made, YOU have to marry him so he can, as Dr. Hogback put it, 'stay in line with his women, men, and sea anemones'," Perona explained. Mihawk's eyes widen.

"Sea anemones? What?" Mihawk asked Perona.

"Yeah... It's best if you don't ask about the sea anemones," Perona explained. Mihawk facepalmed.

"Oh, God. I'm getting married to a man-whore with a tentacle porn obsession," Mihawk muttered to himself.

"Horo horo horo horo horo," Perona laughed to herself. Meanwhile, with Crocodile, things weren't going so well. Because of his sex scandal, he holed up in his mansion with all of the curtains drawn and all of the blinds closed. Crocodile only wore a monogrammed robe, he only ate ice cream, and all he did was sleep and watch T.V. over the past few days.

"Up next on Tenryuubito T.V. - Victoria's Secret Security Camera Footage!"

"The fuck? I just watched security camera footage from Hooters," Crocodile asked himself before he changed the channel.

"_Because we find ourselves in the same old mess singing drunken lullabies_!"

Crocodile changed the channel.

"You're gonna love my nuts."

Crocodile changed the channel, again.

"_Excalibur! Excalibur! From the United Kingdom, i'm looking for him! I'm going to California_!"

Crocodile changed the channel, AGAIN.

"My ROTFLcopter goes 'soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi'."

Crocodile changed the channel, once again.

"Adventure Time!"

Crocodile changed the channel, yet again. This time, he changed it to his favorite show, Donquixote Doflamingo's Puppet Hour.

"Remember, kids, don't have sex. You will get pregnant and die." (1)

Crocodile continued to watch the show. Fortunately, he and Doflamingo were in man-love with each other, and watching Doflamingo's show made Crocodile's troubles disappear.

"I'm in man-love with you, Donquixote Doflamingo!" Crocodile shouted in ecstasy. The next day, Doflamingo, Mihawk, and Crocodile gathered at the local Starbucks - I mean, Raftelbucks.

"You want us to get married ALREADY?" Doflamingo asked Crocodile.

"Yes, Doflamingo. It's more of a wedding of convenience, since I do not want to get married to Mihawk," Crocodile explained.

"Same here," Mihawk said.

"But, won't Perona and everyone else find out about this?" Doflamingo asked Crocodile.

"We'll do a secret ceremony, just like in all of today's romantic comedies!" Mihawk anwsered. Crocodile snapped his fingers.

"That's it!" Crocodile said before getting out his phone and dialing a number. "Paula? Yes, cancel all of my appointments, press conferences, luncheons, charity auctions, autograph signings, dinner parties, golf tournaments, and private booty-calls scheduled for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday."

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><p>On Friday afternoon, Mihawk, Doflamingo, and Crocodile were crusing the streets of Lougetown in Mihawk's Prius.<p>

"Mihawk, where are we going? We're supposed to arrive at seven, and you're wasting time!" Crocodile asked Mihawk.

"Patience, Bridezilla, I'm just going to go pick up the best man, and then we will be on our way," Mihawk explained. Doflamingo sighed.

"If you're going to drive all the way to Long Beach, I might as well get out of the car right now," Doflamingo threatened shortly before Mihawk pulled up to Enies Lobby High School, where the students were going home for the weekend. Mihawk got out of the car.

"I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Don't touch anything and don't drive off without us," Mihawk instructed before going into the school. A minute later, Mihawk arrived at the geography classroom of Red-Haired Shanks.

"Hey, Mihawk, what's up?" Shanks asked Mihawk.

"Did you pack your bags for a weekend trip?" Mihawk asked Shanks.

"Yes, I did," Shanks anwsered as he picked up his duffel bag.

"Excellent," Mihawk said with a nod of his head.

"Mihawk, where are we going and why?" Shanks asked Mihawk, who grinned.

"We're going to Las Vegas for a Vegas wedding," Mihawk anwsered.

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><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>Cheer up, Shanks, it gets a lot worse.

**(1) - Here was the stuff Crocodile was watching in order of appearance  
>1. Victoria's Secret Security Camera Footage<br>2. A Flogging Molly concert  
>3. The Slap Chop commercial<br>4. Soul Eater  
>5. Microsoft Sam's ROTFLcopter meme<br>6. Adventure Time  
>7. Doflamingo's show.<strong>

**Review if you want to see the chapters in Vegas begin! **


	2. Viva Las Vegas!

**Author's Note: **This is the point in the story where things get worse for everyone in this fic. It's _The Point of no Return_, guys. (_Phantom of the Opera _reference, FTW)

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda still owns One Piece.**

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><p>Shanks didn't even question anything or comment on this impromptu wedding until about halfway to Vegas.<p>

"So, why are we going to Vegas again?" Shanks asked Mihawk, Doflamingo, and Crocodile.

"Crocodile has recently been busted for having an affair with Paula, his publicist. Then, it came to light that he's had past affairs with writer Nico Robin, pyrotechnician and pizza chef Galdino, children's entertainer Buggy the Clown, and fashion model Miss Goldenweek. Because of this scandal, Crocodile must either resign as mayor of Lougetown or marry me to keep him in line. But, since neither of us want to marry and Crocodile and Doflamingo are lovers, we decided to sneak off to Vegas to marry them. Understood?" Mihawk asked Shanks.

"Got it. Say, when's the wedding?" Shanks asked Mihawk.

"Sunday at eleven a.m. at the MGM Grand wedding chapel," Mihawk anwsered.

"Got that," Shanks said, giving the thumbs-up. "By the way, has anybody found out about the lie?"

"Nope. We told them that we were going to Vegas so myself and Crocodile could have our wedding," Mihawk explained. A few hours later, the wedding party were just arriving in Vegas.

"We're here!" Mihawk announced.

"Looks beautiful, man. You couldn't have picked a better place to get married in," Doflamingo commented. But, Mihawk remained on the freeway and went toward the suburbs.

"What the hell?" Shanks, Crocodile, and Doflamingo cried.

"We're laying low, boys. We aren't staying on the strip," Mihawk explained. A few minutes later, they arrived at the Green Valley Ranch, which was in the suburbs in Vegas.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You chose a hotel in the suburbs!" Crocodile asked Mihawk as they got their bags from the car.

"Do you want this wedding to go public or not?" Mihawk asked through gritted teeth.

"No, sir," Crocodile said.

"Then, I suggest you suck it up and take it like a man. Got that?" Mihawk asked Crocodile as the four entered the resort casino. Crocodile sighed.

"Fine. But, I choose where our wedding lunch - A.K.A., one last round of tequila shots - will be before we go back to Lougetown," Crocodile stated.

"Touché, but, I will be the designated driver," Mihawk stated. A few minutes later, the four checked into their rooms (Doflamingo and Crocodile in one room and Mihawk and Shanks in the other room, respectively). Shanks was on his laptop checking the E-mail as Mihawk watched T.V.

"Help with homework? Sorry, kids, but, i'm in Vegas this weekend, so, put up and shut up," Shanks said to himself as he typed up a rely to a student who needed help with his homework.

"Irritated yet, Shanks?" Mihawk asked Shanks. "Maybe a drink or two will loosen you up."

"What do you mean?" Shanks asked Mihawk.

"Well, we're going to be on the strip for most of the weekend, so, it would make sense to have a drink or two," Mihawk explained before somebody knocked on the door. Shanks looked through the peephole on the door, and he saw Doflamingo and Crocodile on the other side.

"It's Doflamingo and Crocodile, and I assume that it's time to go," Shanks explained.

"Good. Get your wallet," Mihawk explained curtly. A few minutes later, the four were driving into the strip.

"Gentlemen, welcome to paradise," Mihawk said.

"It seems flashier than the last time I came here," Doflamingo commented.

"Same here," Mihawk said. About a minute later, the four were standing on the Strip and watching the Bellagio fountain show.

"Well, isn't this lovely? We're all together and enjoying a water show," Doflamingo commented.

"Yep. Just four men in Vegas for the weekend," Crocodile agreed.

"Nothing can stop us now!" Shanks said. As if on cue, what sounded like the One Piece equivalent to nails on a chalkboard (or Rebecca Black) was heard. (1)

"SHANKS-SENSEI!"

"Oh, fu -" Shanks said to himself before two of his students, Monkey D. Luffy and Kazuma Miyafuji, ran up to him. "_Uhh... Well, this awkward_."

"What are you doing in Vegas, Shanks-sensei?" Kazuma asked Shanks.

"Well... I... Uhh... We're just taking a weekend trip," Shanks anwsered, not really lying since they WERE on a weekend trip.

"Really? That's cool! Kazuma and I are here for a weekend trip, too! Ace and Sabo took us!" Luffy explained.

"I remember having Ace and Sabo as my students! How are they these days?" Shanks asked as the six crossed the street.

"Well, Ace is a personal trainer at the gym and Sabo is in his last year of college. Oh, and did I mention that Sabo is the COOLEST steampunk cosplayer ever?" Luffy asked Shanks.

"Nope. I bet even the League of Steam will accept Sabo someday," Shanks anwsered.

"Really? That's so cool!" Luffy shouted. Mihawk facepalmed.

"I need a freakin' drink. This kid sounds like the male version of Rebecca Black," Mihawk thought to himself as they entered the shops at Planet Hollywood.

"Hey, Luffy, Kazuma, is that Shanks-sensei?" A man named Portgas D. Ace asked Luffy as the six approached him. Accompanying Ace were Luffy's other brother, Sabo, Luffy's friends, Roronoa Zoro, Nami, Vivi Nefatari, and Usopp, Kazuma's girlfriend, Yuki-Rin, Yuki-Rin's BFF, Hana Yakushi, and Yasopp, Usopp's dad.

"In the living flesh!" Shanks said before he and Ace bro-fisted.

"How have you been, Shanks-sensei?" Ace asked Shanks.

"I've been doing fine. And, you?" Shanks asked Ace.

"Same here, man. Say, are those guys Mihawk, Crocodile, AND Doflamingo?" Sabo asked Shanks.

"Hells yeah," Doflamingo anwsered.

"Oh, my gosh, even though i'm a teenager, I watch Donquixote Doflamingo's Puppet Hour! My favorite episode is where you sang that Dreidel song from South Park that mentioned Courtney Cox! That episode was so hilarious!" Yuki-Rin explanined in a fangirl-type way.

"Thank you. I didn't really like that episode. I like the episode with the mysterious ticking noise," Doflamingo explained.

"Yuki-Rin, look! We're in the presence of Dracule Mihawk, the world's greatest swordsman!" Kazuma excitedly said as he tugged at Yuki-Rin's sleeve.

"Don't forget that i'm also a golfer," Mihawk added.

"Who cares about that side? You're, like, SOOOO manly!" Kazuma explained.

"I know! I loved your work in 'Escape from Impel Down', 'The Legend of the Cursed Sword', and 'The Island of Baron Omatsuri'!" Yasopp added.

"Thank you. I'm about to begin work on my next film, 'The Epic of Shandora', in two weeks," Mihawk explained.

"I love that book! Please cast me as Laki!" Vivi fangirled, since they were in the presence of celebrities. Mihawk chuckled.

"I'm sorry, but, i'm just the famous stunt double for sword scenes," Mihawk explained. A couple of hours later, the gang was winding down their night by strolling through the Aria's pricey-ass shops.

"Oh, my God! There's a store called Miu-Miu! It sounds like a great name for an anime merchandise store!" Yuki-Rin yelled before she ran up to the store. She came back a few seconds later, looking sad.

"What's wrong?" Kazuma asked Yuki-Rin.

"Miu-Miu doesn't sell anime stuff! They sell shoes and bags!" Yuki-Rin cried as Kazuma hugged her.

"There, there. I'm sure there's other stores that sell anime goods," Kazuma re-assured Yuki-Rin. But, things became as turbulent as the "Things are turbulent! I'm lashing out at you!" scene in Hetalia.

"Hey! Get back here!"

Just then, a man carrying a painting ran past them. The only things that stood out about this man were his purple afro and the stripper clothes he wore.

"Hey! Somebody stop the stripper running away with the painting!" A security guard yelled.

"I'll stop him!" Shanks yelled as he chased after the man. When he got close enough, Shanks tackled the thief to the ground.

"Give that painting back, now!" Shanks demanded. The thief just pushed him to the ground.

"My, my, my. You are a very naughty boy. Do you vant to know vhat I do vith naughty boys?" The thief asked Shanks.

"Uhh... If it involves bondage, count me out," Shanks politely refused.

"Death Vink!"

Shanks felt himself hit his head onto the floor and pass out.

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><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>I bet most of you already know who the art thief is. If not, his identity will be revealed in the next chapter. (But, then again, I dropped so many hints, it's plain obvious as to who the art thief is)

**(1) - I don't think Luffy's voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard or Rebecca Black. It's probably because Luffy is one of Shanks' students and Shanks has to see him every Monday through Friday.**

**Review if you want to see some genderbending action in the next chapter.**


	3. I'm a Chick Now!

**Author's Note: **Wow. I am typing up this fanfic WAY too fast. Ah, well, "**One Piece: Parallel Works**" will be updated soon, so, it's not like i'm putting all my fanfiction time and energy into this fic.

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda still owns One Piece. I am just a One Piece fangirl with One Piece merchandise and OCs.**

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><p>Shanks awoke the next morning in his hotel room. He could now feel some sort of weight on his chest that wasn't there when he passed out in the Aria the previous night.<p>

"Mihawk, what time is it?" Shanks groggily asked his bromatic partner.

"9:15," Mihawk anwsered, not looking up from the paper he read. As Shanks got up from the bed, Mihawk gasped.

"Shanks, please put a shirt on," Mihawk requested.

"What for?" Shanks asked before he looked down and saw two things men don't have.

"WHAT THE HELL? WHY AM I A CHICK?" Shanks - now with a female voice - cried.

"I think it was the guy from last night with the German accent and the fishnets. I was fighting off the guy with the orange and white hair and I didn't notice that you became a woman until now," Mihawk explained. Shanks sunk to the ground.

"Dear God... Now i'm going to have to wear panties and a bra. I want my manliness back," Shanks groaned.

"I hope you don't mean what every Shanks fangirl that's reading this is thinking," Mihawk told Shanks. A loud knock was heard at the door. Mihawk anwsered the door to Crocodile, who was in tears.

"Crocodile, what's wrong? Are you in so much pain from a hangover that you can't even go out today?" Mihawk asked Crocodile.

"No, not that," Crocodile sobbed like a little girl.

"Did somebody outside of the wedding party find out about the wedding?" Mihawk asked Crocodile.

"No, not that," Crocodile sobbed like a little bitch.

"Then, what happened?" Mihawk asked angrily.

"Doflamingo is missing!" Crocodile shrieked like an okama.

"Don't worry, Crocodile, Shanks and I are just about to get breakfast, so, we'll talk at the buffet. I believe that something happened to Shanks as well," Mihawk explained. A few minutes later, the three were eating breakfast at the buffet.

"So, Mihawk, who's the hot chick?" Crocodile asked Mihawk, who facepalmed.

"That's Shanks! He was turned into a girl! How do you explain THIS?" Mihawk asked Crocodile as he banged his fists on the table.

"Well, I can explain," Shanks explained.

* * *

><p><strong> *Begin Flashback, the Previous Night*<strong>

_Mihawk was trying to fight off a man with white and orange hair who wore clothing of the same color scheme._

_"You're not getting away from us!" Mihawk yelled._

_"Yoo-hoo, Inazuma, time to go!" The art thief who dressed like a stripper called out. The man Mihawk was fighting - Inazuma - pushed Mihawk off of him._

_"We'll be going now. But, don't look for us," Inazuma advised the group as he turned to his accomplice. "Well, Ivankov, you know what to do."_

_"Death vink!"_

_With a puff of pink, sparkly smoke, Ivankov and Inazuma disappeared and Shanks was unconscious on the ground. Everyone grew silent._

_"What just happened?" Luffy asked everyone._

_"That's what we all want to know, Luffy!" Nami, Zoro, Usopp, Ace, Sabo, Vivi, Kazuma, Yuki-Rin, Hana, Doflamingo, Crocodile, Mihawk, and Yasopp yelled._

_"Well, it looks like Shanks passed out from something. Usopp and I will take him to the hospital and get him checked out, and we will drop him off at his hotel later," Yasopp explained. "Does anybody know where he's staying at?"_

_"The Green Valley Ranch. It's an obscure, but beautiful, place off of the strip," Mihawk explained as Yasopp and Usopp picked up Shanks._

_"Thanks, Mihawk. You, Doflamingo, and Crocodile can go back to your hotel if you want, and we'll just drop Shanks off when we're done at the hospital," Yasopp explained._

_"Dad, what about Luffy and everyone else?" Usopp asked Yasopp._

_"Oh, they can just go back to wherever they're staying at... Or, get drunk, if they're over 21," Yasopp explained. About an hour later, Yasopp and Usopp were taking the now conscious Shanks back to Green Valley Ranch from the hospital._

_"Thanks for the ride," Shanks thanked Yasopp and Usopp as he stepped out of the car. He was now female thanks to the Death Wink._

_"No problem. Is their anything we can do for you on this trip?" Yasopp asked Shanks._

_"Well, you could -" Shanks said before the sounds of an ice cream truck driving by cut him off._

_"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Yasopp yelled before slamming on the brakes and driving after the ice cream truck. Shanks sweatdropped._

_"They seriously have ice cream trucks this late in the night?" Shanks thought to herself as she made her way back to her room._

***End Flashback, Revert to the Present Time***

* * *

><p>"Wow, that was eye-opening," Mihawk commented.<p>

"But, what about Doflamingo?" Shanks asked the two.

"I think I know what happened," Crocodile said.

* * *

><p><strong> *Begin Crocodile's Flashback, the Previous Night*<strong>

_After dropping Mihawk off at his room, Crocodile and Doflamingo went downstairs to the bar to drink and discuss the wedding in a manly matter._

_"The big day is coming up. I love you, Patty Cakes," Crocodile said to Doflamingo in a manly matter._

_"I love you, too, Pizza Sauce," Doflamingo said to Crocodile in a manly matter._

_"Uhh... Pizza sauce?" Crocodile asked Doflamingo._

_"Yeah! You heard me! I couldn't think of any pick-up names, so, yeah!" Doflamingo boasted before taking a drink of his beer._

_"Touché," Crocodile said as he and Doflamingo toasted their drinks. An hour later, they were getting ready to go back to their room._

_"So, Doflamingo, what sights shall we see tomorrow?" Crocodile asked Doflamingo._

_"I want to see the shops at Caesar's, New York New York, and -" Doflamingo said before the sounds of an ice cream truck driving by were heard._

_"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Doflamingo yelled before running off in search of the ice cream truck._

_"Remember to come back to the room after you get your ice cream!" Crocodile reminded Doflamingo._

***End Crocodile's Flashback, Revert to the Present Time***

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><p>"So, let me get this straight; Doflamingo ran off after an ice cream truck?" Shanks asked Crocodile.<p>

"Seriously. I thought nothing of it and went to sleep. When I awoke, Doflamingo was still gone," Crocodile explained.

"Are you sure Doflamingo didn't go chasing off after that ice cream truck?" Mihawk asked Crocodile.

"No. I'm sure he's in this city somewhere," Crocodile said.

"Drunk or sober?" Mihawk asked Crocodile.

"I dunno! I'm not a fucking psychic!" Crocodile cried.

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><p>True to Crocodile's word, Doflamingo was still in the Las Vegas area, but, he was in the MGM Grand and NOT alone.<p>

"Leave me alone!" Doflamingo cried to his attacker, kidnapper, or stalker. Then, an ice cream truck drove by.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Doflamingo's attacker said before running off. Doflamingo sighed.

"And, so, the saga begins," Doflamingo said to himself as he hugged his knees to his chest.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>I think there was an ice cream truck driving around after dark because this fanfic is set in Las Vegas. XD

**Review if you want to see Mihawk and Crocodile take Shanks shopping for bras. (That's actually going to be in the next chapter. I'm not joking)**


	4. The Hunt for Bras and Chinese Dresses

**Author's Note: **And, now, here's the new chapter. And, true to my word, Mihawk, fem!Shanks, and Crocodile go bra shopping in this chapter.

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda owns all of the characters in this fic, except for Yuki-Rin, Kazuma, Hana, Blaise, Aki, Heathcliffe, Holden, and Soren, who are my OCs.**

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><p>As soon as you could sing Bink's Saké, Mihawk, Shanks, and Crocodile were on the freeway.<p>

"Where are we going?" Shanks asked Mihawk and Crocodile.

"We're going to hit up the Strip to find Doflamingo and to find out how to make you a dude again," Crocodile explained.

"But, first, we are going to the Fashion Show Mall to buy you your first bra!" Mihawk announced. Shanks opened his window and vomited on the shoes of a classy man named Blaise Nightwing.

"What the hell?" Blaise cried as an ice cream truck drove by. "Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!"

From the rear-view mirror, Mihawk could see Blaise run up to them.

"Oh, my God! You are going to look so fierce in a Wonderbra!" Crocodile gushed to Shanks like he was a gossipy 1950's or 1960's housewife from Long Island. Shanks facepalmed.

"Fuck my life," Shanks said to herself as the ice cream truck came into their field of vision.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Mihawk yelled as he began to follow the ice cream truck.

"Mihawk, you missed the off-ramp for the Strip!" Crocodile cried.

"Doesn't matter, I want ice cream!" Mihawk said. A few minutes later, they parked the car in a parking lot that was so far from the Strip, it was even a bit further from the Stratosphere. Why did they stop? The ice cream truck broke down.

"Hey, let's go into that pawn shop. We are in Vegas, after all," Mihawk suggested.

"I thought we were going bra shopping," Shanks said as they entered the Puffing Tom Pawn Shop.

"Welcome to the Puffing Tom Pawn Shop! My name is Kokoro! How can I be of assistance?" The shopkeeper, an old lady named Kokoro, asked the three.

"I know this may sound really 'effing stupid, but... Do you sell bras?" Mihawk asked Kokoro with a straight face.

"Why, yes, we do!" Kokoro anwsered. "Chimney, bring out your dead - I mean, bring out the bras!"

A seven-year-old named Chimney and her cat-rabbit named Gonbe came out of the back room carrying a box filled with bras. Outside, the ice cream truck was repaired and it was about to drive away.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Chimney yelled before running out of the store.

"Chimney, don't say such bad words!" Kokoro said as she chased her daughter for the ice cream truck. Crocodile and Mihawk looked at Shanks.

"Don't look at me like that, you pervs!" Shanks cried as she folded her arms over her breasts.

"Pick a bra so we can get the hell out of here, find the Death Wink guy, find a way to get you back to normal, and find Doflamingo," Mihawk ordered. Crocodile gave him a suggestive look.

"Oh, no. DO NOT tell me you are going back to your old ways!" Mihawk cried. A few minutes later, a sweaty and out-of-breath Shanks was leaning head-first against the wall.

"Crocodile, stop! It hurts!" Shanks pleaded.

"We're almost done, Shanks. Hold still," Crocodile tried to re-assure Shanks. Just as he finished speaking, Shanks cried out, and the pain was over.

"And, we're done," Crocodile said. It turns out, he was helping Shanks put a corset on, just like in Kuroshitsuji.

"What the hell? Why am I wearing a fucking corset? I can't breathe!" Shanks yelled to Crocodile.

"If you want to wear a bra, then stop acting like a little bitch! We weren't supposed to go bra shopping on this vacation, and we're never going bra shopping again! We're manly men, and we shouldn't do this!" Crocodile explained. A couple minutes later, Shanks managed to put a bra on and her shirt back on, and the three were back in Mihawk's car.

"So, where are we going next, Mihawk?" Shanks asked Mihawk.

"We're going somewhere that has a monorail stop so we can park the car there, get monorail passes, and use the monorail all day," Mihawk explained icily. "But, first, I picked up Doflamingo's cell phone signal, and he's at the Wynn-slash-Encore."

"Why would Mihawk be at the Wynn?" Shanks asked Mihawk.

"I have the feeling that he was kidnapped by somebody wealthy," Mihawk said.

* * *

><p>True to Mihawk's word, Doflamingo WAS at the Wynn, and he was shopping at the Wynn's expensive stores with the wealthy supermodel Boa Hancock.<p>

"Why did you kidnap me again?" Doflamingo asked Hancock as they browsed through an expensive store.

"Screw the rules, I have money!" Hancock proclaimed as she picked up a purple cheongsam off of the rack. (1)

"Hey! I wanted to buy that dress!" A girl named Aki Chung-Feng cried. Did we mention that Aki was already holding two other Chinese dresses she was going to buy?

"Sorry, honey, you snooze, you lose," Hancock told Aki as she checked out the dress.

"Rude much?" Aki's boyfriend, Heathcliffe Sarutobi, asked Aki.

"Very! I mean, bitch stole my cheongsam!" Aki cried.

"I'd fight to change it, but, Hancock's a celebrity, so, yeah," Heathcliffe explained as he pulled a light blue cheongsam with purple flowers on it. "How does this dress look?"

"Ooh! It's so pretty!" Aki said as she hugged Heathcliffe. "You're so amazing, Sarutobi-kun."

Then, an ice cream truck drove by the Wynn.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Heathcliffe and Doflamingo said before they ran off. Aki and Hancock sweatdropped.

"Sarutobi-kun, where are you going?" Aki asked herself.

"Hey, man-bitch, come back!" Hancock yelled as she, Aki, and Heathcliffe's two brothers, Holden and Soren, chased after Doflamingo and Heathcliffe, who ran into the on-site Ferrari dealership and got into a Ferrari.

"Hey, you need to buy or rent that!" A car dealer cried. Doflamingo just gave him a large sum of money.

"Happy now?" Doflamingo asked the dealer before he drove out of the building.

"Wait up, ice cream man!" Doflamingo cried as he began to follow the ice cream truck down the strip.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>With Doflamingo's escape, things are getting VERY hectic all up in here.

**(1) - The dress Hancock buys (and the one Aki wanted to buy) is the one she wears in the Marineford Arc, which is why it sounds familiar.**

**Review if you want to see more Luffy, Ace, Sabo, Nami, Vivi, Zoro, Usopp, and Yasopp action.**


	5. Whee! Let's Ride the Monorail!

**Author's Note: **Yep, time for another chapter.

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda still owns One Piece, which owns.**

* * *

><p>Back with Shanks, Mihawk, and Crocodile, they were exiting the World's Largest Souviner Shop.<p>

"That place was so tacky!" Shanks cried.

"Be glad it wasn't a souviner shop in Reno," Mihawk reminded them as the three got in the car and drove off.

"Finally, we're sightseeing," Crocodile said as they FINALLY got onto the strip.

"Not really. Remember, we'll still looking for Doflamingo and a way to get Shanks to be a dude without splurging on gender re-assignment surgery," Mihawk explained. A rimshot was heard in the background.

"Don't bring that up. Just... Don't bring up sex change surgery," Crocodile said with a shudder. A few minutes later, the three parked the car in the parking garage of the MGM Grand.

"Now, onward to the monorail station!" Mihawk said. After walking a few yards, they didn't notice that Heathcliffe and Doflamingo crashed the Ferarri they were in into Mihawk's Prius. Fortunately, Heathcliffe and Doflamingo survived the crash unscathed.

"Dude, where are my brothers? In fact, where is my girlfriend?" Heathcliffe asked Doflamingo.

"We'll get to that, but, first, we have to shake off Hancock and find Crocodile, Mihawk, and Shanks," Doflamingo explained. Then, an ice cream truck drove past them.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Heathcliffe shouted before he chased after the ice cream truck. Doflamingo sighed.

"Well, it's me and my feathery pimp coat now," Doflamingo said to himself. Meanwhile, at the monorail station, Mihawk, Crocodile, Shanks, Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Vivi, Usopp, Ace, Sabo, Yuki-Rin, Hana, Kazuma, and Yasopp were getting their monorail passes.

"Shanks-sensei, did you get a sex change?" Luffy asked Shanks who facepalmed.

"That stripper art thief with the Death Wink did it!" Shanks screamed. Everyone in the monorail terminal sweatdropped, including Pandaman.

"Alright, then... So, where are we going to go?" Yasopp asked everyone.

"Let's go to Treasure Island!" Luffy said.

"I want to go to Caesar's Palace to see if FAO Schartz is still there," Hana said.

"It closed. There's an H&M in its place now," Yuki-Rin said bluntly. Hana began to cry, comic anime-style.

"But, they had Dance Dance Revolution machines and Pokémon plushies for sale!" Hana cried.

"I know, I know. I was sad when it closed, too," Yuki-Rin said as the group boarded the monorail.

"Now we have to go all the way to New York City to get a DDR machine, since the FAO Schartz here is closed and the one back in L.A. disappeared!" Hana cried.

"I know! That's where I got my teddy bear when I was little!" Usopp said.

"I got my toy pull snail there when I was little!" Nami said.

"I got my favorite, red ball from there when I was little!" Luffy said.

"_Next stop: Imperial Palace and Harrah's_."

"Well, that's our stop if we all want to go to Caesar's," Yasopp said as they got off the monorail and headed into the Imperial Palace.

"Dad, this is the Imperial Palace," Usopp pointed out as they made their way through the casino.

"Well, son, we have to go through here in order to get to the Forum Shops," Yasopp explained as they made back out onto the sunny streets of Vegas. An ice cream truck drove by.

"Not again!" Usopp cried.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Yasopp yelled before chasing after the ice cream truck. A few minutes later, the group arrived at the Forum Shops.

"Alright, guys, let's split off and shop, since this is a big mall that's easy to get lost in," Yasopp explained.

"Tell that to Zoro," Kazuma whispered to Luffy. Both boys laughed.

"I think the groups should go like this: Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro, Nami, Vivi, and myself, Shanks, Mihawk, and Crocodile, Kazuma, Yuki-Rin, and Hana, and Sabo and Ace. Got that?" Yasopp asked everyone. "We'll either meet back here in this spot in an hour-and-a-half, or we'll play by ear."

"Can we trade you for Shanks? We need to get him - her, actually - some properly-fitting clothing now that he's a she," Nami asked Yasopp.

"Sure!" Yasopp said as he pushed Shanks toward the three. Shanks sighed.

"You girls are going to Hell in a handbasket," Shanks said.

"Lighten up, Shanks! At least you won't look like a pirate!" Vivi encouraged.

"You do know that I will be a guy again when we find the Death Wink guy, right?" Shanks asked Vivi and Nami, who just giggled and dragged him off. An ice cream truck drove by.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Yasopp, Crocodile, and Mihawk yelled.

"Dad, you just got ice cream," Usopp pointed out.

"Doesn't matter, it's the motherfucking ice cream truck," Yasopp pointed out before he, Mihawk, and Crocodile ran off. Usopp sighed.

"What is up with everyone and that ice cream truck?" Usopp asked Luffy and Zoro.

"Why can't there be a meat truck?" Luffy asked Usopp.

"Or a booze truck?" Zoro asked Usopp.

"I'm sure there are meat and booze trucks back in L.A. Heck, I wouldn't be suprised that there would be a food truck for ANYTHING," Usopp explained as the three made their way deeper into the Forum Shops.

* * *

><p>Some time later, Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro ended up outside the Cheesecake Factory in the shops.<p>

"Zoro, where's that shop that sold the Toriko and Dragon Ball posters?" Luffy asked Zoro.

"I think it was near the Playboy Shop," Usopp said. Zoro facepalmed.

"I am NOT going near an S&M shop!" Zoro cried. A few feet away, somebody was watching him.

"What the hell is the Marimo doing here? He better not be ruining MY weekend retreat in Las Vegas!"

"*Sigh*... Cook-san, just don't fight him, please."

"Oh, I WILL fight him. There is no way in Hell that the Shitty Marimo is ruining OUR Vegas getaway."

"Sanji, I am strongly against fighting this Marimo person you speak of. I mean, we have reservations for an Irish-Britsh pub in New York New York this afternoon, tickets to see Phantom of the Opera later tonight, and reservations for a fancy place at the MGM Grand. We don't want to be blacklisted from any of those places for such un-gentlemanly behavoir."

"Speak for yourself. That Marimo Fuckass is going down."

An ice cream truck then drove by the Forum Shops.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!"

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: Review if you want to see who was talking at the end of this chapter.<strong>


	6. Zoro vs Sanji!

**Author's Note: **It's time for another chapter of this cracked-out adventure!

**Zoro: **"Aw, hell naw!"

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece and the songs belong to their rightful owners. **

* * *

><p>Before they knew it, Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro found themselves in the Venetian Las Vegas. Why? Usopp and Luffy followed Zoro to where they thought was that shop Luffy was talking about.<p>

"Hey, Zoro, I don't remember the Forum Shops having boat rides," Luffy pointed out. Zoro facepalmed.

"What the hell?" Zoro cried as he stomped his foot.

"Chillax, Zoro, I bet we can get some meat while we're here!" Luffy re-assured the Marimo.

"Good. And, maybe, just maybe, I can get some booze," Zoro said.

"Aren't you supposed to be our quote-unquote 'adult supervision'?" Usopp asked Zoro. Then, some music from Phantom of the Opera began to play.

_Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation_  
><em>Darkness stirs and wakes imagination<em>  
><em>Silently, the senses abandon their defenses<em>  
><em>Helpless to resist the notes I write<em>  
><em>For I compose the music of the night<em>  
><em>Slowly, gently, night unfurls it's splendour<em>  
><em>Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender<em>  
><em>Turn your face away from the garish light of day<em>  
><em>Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light<em>  
><em>And listen to the music of the night<em>

"Okay, what the hell is going on here?" Zoro asked Luffy and Usopp.

"Zoro, don't say I didn't warn you, but... Look who's coming up to us," Usopp said as he pointed to none other than Sanji. His girlfriend, Nico Robin, walked next to him, and their two friends, Kartik Abingdon and Matsu Takeshima, walked on either side of them.

"Oh, hell no! Why the hell is Dartboard Brow here?" Zoro cried.

"And, why the hell is the Marimo here?" Sanji cried.

"You know, guys, I can explain," Usopp said.

"Explain later! Right now, I am going to kick Shitty Cook's ass!" Zoro said as he got out his swords.

"Speak for yourself, Marimo. When i'm done with you, you will be kicked and julienned so badly, not even your mom will recognize you!" Sanji explained. Everyone "ooed".

"Sanji, no! You'll hurt yourself!" Matsu cried.

"It is ON! Never speak of my mom like that!" Zoro yelled to Sanji.

"I guess with that, we can let out teté-a-teté begin," Sanji said. "Cue music!"

Somebody in the lighting department began playing some epic battle music.

"_Am I throwin' you off_?" Sanji asked Zoro as he raised his leg.

"_Nope,_" Zoro anwsered as he got out his swords.

"_Didn't think so_," Sanji anwsered before the fighting started.

"_How you doin', young lady?_  
><em>That feelin' that you givin' really drives me crazy<em>  
><em>You don't haveta play about the joke<em>  
><em>I was at a loss of words first time that we spoke<em>  
><em>Looking for a girl that'll treat you right<em>  
><em>You lookin' for her in the daytime with the light<em>  
><em>You might be the type if I play my cards right<em>  
><em>I'll find out by the end of the night,<em>" Sanji sang.

"_You expect me to just let you hit it_  
><em>But, will you still respect me if you get it?<em>" Zoro sang.

"_All I can do is try; gimme one chance_  
><em>What's the problem? I don't see no ring on your hand<em>  
><em>I be the first to admit it, I'm curious about you; you seem so innocent<em>," Sanji sang.

"_You wanna get in my world, get lost in it?_  
><em>Boy, I'm tired of running, let's walk for a minute,<em>" Zoro sang.

"_Promiscuous girl,_  
><em>Wherever you are,<em>  
><em>I'm all alone<em>  
><em>And, it's you that I want<em>," Sanji sang. Kartik just facepalmed.

"_Promiscuous boy,_  
><em>You<em> - " Zoro sang before - you guessed it - an ice cream truck drove by.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Zoro and Sanji yelled before they ran after the ice cream truck. Robin glared at Usopp and Luffy.

"Looks like we will continue this fight later," Robin said smugly before she and Matsu walked off. Usopp looked to Luffy for anwsers.

"Now what?" Usopp asked Luffy.

"Let's go get lunch. I'm starving," Luffy said. A few minutes later, the two were eating lunch at a McDonald's down the street.

"*Sigh*... How are we going to get back to dad and everyone else now that Zoro ran off with Sanji for ice cream?" Usopp asked Luffy, who was too pre-occupied with eating hamurgers a la America.

"The what now?" Luffy asked Usopp, who facepalmed.

"I'm just going to call dad," Usopp said as he got out his cell phone. "Dad? Where are you? Treasure Island? Sure, we can meet up with you there. Well, right now, Luffy and I are eating at McDonald's, so, we're going to finish up eating lunch, and - Dad? Dad?"

Usopp hung up.

"What did Yasopp say?" Luffy asked Usopp.

"He's at Treasure Island, but, he hung up on me," Usopp said. At that same time, at Treasure Island...

"Yasopp, get the fuck back here! You've had enough ice cream for now!" Crocodile cried as he and Mihawk chased Yasopp - who was trying to catch up with an ice cream truck - down the street. Mihawk facepalmed.

"I knew I never should've introduced Crocodile to the wonders of speed dating back in college. Never knew it would ultimately lead to some crazy adventures in Las Vegas," Mihawk said to himself.

"Hey, speed dating was fun while it lasted," Crocodile explained.

"Well, because of that, we're now in Vegas for a wedding, the best man is a woman, and we're chasing Yasopp through the streets of Vegas all because of ice cream," Mihawk explained. Crocodile sighed.

"I blame failing sex ed twice and teenaged hormones," Crocodile said. Nobody expected what happened next.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>Cheer up, Zoro, i'm going to cosplay as your Strong World formal outfit for Halloween!

**Zoro: *Says nothing, because he is asleep***

**Ah, well. Anyway, review if you want to see some Supernovas get involved in this hot mess.**


	7. Whose Baby is This?

**Author's Note: **And, so, the adventures continue with new characters - *Cough*Four of the Eleven Supernovas*Cough* - being introduced. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda still owns One Piece.**

* * *

><p>Nami, Vivi, Shanks, Kazuma, Ace, Sabo, Yuki-Rin, and Hana stood outside Caesar's Palace, awating Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Crocodile, Mihawk, or Yasopp.<p>

"They seriously can't be gone for that long! Have they ditched us to go drinking and gambling?" Hana asked everyone. They responded with blank stares. Nami sighed.

"I should call Zoro. I hope he didn't get lost," Nami said as she searched her pockets for her cell phone. "Oh, crap! Guys, where the hell is my phone?"

"Did you leave it in the H&M dressing room?" Vivi asked Nami.

"No, i'm pretty sure I had it with me when we left H&M," Nami said.

"Nami, do you think that the art -" Yuki-Rin theorized before an ice cream truck drove by. "Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!"

Yuki-Rin ran off, following the ice cream truck. Nami sighed.

"Great. And I was going to get Angry Birds from the app store later," Nami lamented as Sanji, Zoro, Kartik, Robin, Yuki-Rin, Matsu, Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro approached them.

"Where have you guys been?" Sabo asked Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro.

"We ran into Dartboard Brow and his stuck-up friends and girlfriend," Zoro explained. Sanji kicked him in balls. The rest of the males winced.

"I feel your pain, bro!" Kazuma shouted out. "Let us be men together!"

"Alright, then," Zoro said. "Here we go."

"To be a man you must have honor and a peni-" Kazuma and Zoro chanted before Nami cut them off.

"Whose baby is this?" Nami said as she held up a pink-haired baby wearing a green hat, a white tank top, orange-brown shorts, purple socks with a yellow design, and brown boots. Everyone grew silent.

"The fuck?" Zoro asked everyone.

"It looks like the baby Doflamingo used to play Carlos in that Hangover episode of his show," Yuki-Rin said as they made their way down the street and toward the Mirage.

"I have a feeling that one of the prostitutes -" Sabo theorized before Nami cut him off.

"Sabo, DO NOT go there, or else we will drop you off at the Stratosphere and leave you there," Nami theatened as they entered the Mirage. The baby began to cry.

"Oh, now look what you did, Nami! You made a baby cry!" Ace yelled.

"It's not my fault Sabo was cracking potentially insensitive jokes about Las Vegas!" Nami yelled back. But, the baby cried harder. "What the hell does this baby want?"

"I dunno. Let's feed it Tiger Blood," Kazuma suggested.

"Are you on drugs?" Nami asked Kazuma, who shrugged.

"Well, I AM on a drug called 'Charlie Sheen'. It's not avaliable. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body," Kazuma explained. Everyone else sweatdropped.

"Kazuma, please don't tell me you've been taking performance-enhancing drugs for your kendo matches and your sword praticing," Yuki-Rin said. Kazuma laughed.

"I'm joking! I've been WINNING all my past kendo matches!" Kazuma said, obvious emphasis on the word "winning".

"Are you bipolar?" Vivi asked Kazuma.

"I'm bi-winning," Kazuma anwsered as they arrived at an all-you-can-eat frozen yogurt place. The baby was still crying.

"Somebody PLEASE make this baby stop crying!" Nami pleaded.

"Are you sure it's not hungry?" Kartik asked Nami.

"And, are you sure you know the baby daddy of this baby?" Nami retorted.

"Excuse me, but, is that our baby?"

Scratchman Apoo and Basil Hawkins, a gay couple, approached them.

"We don't know. We just found her outside of Caesar's Palace. Why? Are you the parents?" Hana asked Apoo and Hawkins.

"Well... Uhh... To put it this way... Uhh..." Hawkins said, searching for anwsers on how he and his life partner ended up with a baby.

"We adopted this baby while we were very drunk last night!" Apoo explained with a thumbs-up.

"That's not being responsible! How do you expect to take care of a child if you get so drunk, you adopt?" Kartik asked Apoo and Hawkins.

"Kartik, how do you know stuff on being a responsible parent?" Shanks asked the classy, bespectacled man.

"It's common sense, Shanks! Do I have to give you one of those fake babies to take care of?" Kartik asked Shanks.

"Excuse me, but, i'm not the baby of that gay couple nor am I a baby."

Everyone turned back, and they saw that the baby turned into a girl somewhere in her late teens or early twenties.

"What the -" Nami cried.

"Yeah, I know what you're all thinking - Why did I transform from a baby to a woman? Well, some gay, crossdressing ballerina did this to me last night with some spell called 'Okama Way'. It was in the middle of the MGM Grand too, and everyone - including my hipster boyfriend - saw it happen. Yes, it was humiliating," The girl explained. "Oh, speaking of hipster boyfriends, can you help me look for my hipster boyfriend?"

Nami facepalmed. Weren't they already looking for Yasopp, Crocodile, Mihawk, Doflamingo, AND the Death Wink dude?

"By the way, the name's Jewelry Bonney. I'm a food critic," Bonney introduced herself.

"Get out! I love you, I love your webshow, and I love your hipster boyfriend!" Yuki-Rin cried joyfully.

"It's five bucks for an autograph, ten bucks for a T-shirt, fifteen bucks to secure a guest spot on my show, and twenty bucks to make a laotong contract with me like in _Snow Flower and the Secret Fan_," Bonney explained. Yuki-Rin pulled out some money.

"Not now, Yuki-Rin. We have to get to Treasure Island to meet up with Yasopp, Crocodile, and Mihawk," Nami explained. Yuki-Rin put away her money.

"Who died and made you leader of this dysfunctional search party?" Yuki-Rin asked Nami.

"Shanks' testosterone," Nami deadpanned. Everyone but Shanks laughed.

"Shut up! I'm still a man at heart!" Shanks cried.

"Amen to that, brother - I mean, sister - I mean, brother - I mean, Shanks-sensei!" Kazuma cried. Then, an ice cream truck drove by, since nobody got ice cream this chapter.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Shanks cried before she ran off to get ice cream.

"Not again!" Everybody groaned. Finding Yasopp, Crocodile, Mihawk, Trafalgar Law, Doflamingo, and the Death Wink guy was bad, but, now, they had to add Shanks to the mix.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>That chapter was bi-winning. *Shot*

**Review if you want to see Mihawk, Crocodile, and Yasopp again.**


	8. No! No Ice Cream for You!

**Author's Note: **Our adventure still continues! Sadly, this is too late to be in honor of Zoro or Bepo's birthday, which was yesterday.

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece.**

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, the group - now including Apoo, Bonney, and Hawkins - was on the Mirage-Treasure Island tram.<p>

"Good going, guys. We lost most of the important people we need," Nami said coldly to everyone. "Seriously, they need to ban ice cream trucks in Vegas."  
>Sanji sighed as he got out a cigarette and lit it.<p>

"Settle down, Nami. We're meeting them at Treasure Island, remember?" Sanji reminded Nami, who just sighed.

"Yeah, but, then, they'll run off in search of ANOTHER ice cream truck! This is bullshit! Grown men shouldn't be running after ice cream trucks like they're five-year-olds! From now until we turn Shanks back to a guy, we're keeping a close eye on Shanks, Crocodile, Mihawk, and Yasopp! Any objections or rules broken will result in my wrath! Do I make myself clear?" Nami asked everyone.

"Your threats seriously don't scare me," Hawkins muttered as he shuffled his tarot cards. Nami bitch-slapped Hawkins, but he didn't flinch nor recoil.

"My, somebody's pissy," Kazuma commented.

"Nami, you should have some ice cream. You'll be happier if you do," Luffy suggested. Nami glared at him.

"No! I don't want ice cream! Ice cream is the very reason why i'm pissed off right now!" Nami yelled. Before Nami could rant angrily any further, an announcement came over the P.A.

"_Now arriving at Treasure Island_."

Nami took a deep breath.

"We're here... Thank God..." Nami commented as they got off the tram. Heathcliffe, Holden, Soren, and Aki were waiting for them.

"Hey, Heathcliffe, what's up?" Kazuma asked Heathcliffe.

"We need to join you. Doflamingo got kidnapped, again!" Heathcliffe explained.

"What? You know where Doflamingo is?" Nami cried.

"Well, we knew where he was. Here's the story," Soren explained.

* * *

><p><strong>*Begin Flashback, Earlier That Day*<strong>

_Holden, Soren, Heathcliffe, and Aki trudged through the shops at Mandalay Bay as Doflamingo skipped some ten paces in front of them._

_"Hey, isn't that the House of Blues?" Holden pointed out. Heathcliffe and his brothers perked up._

_"No way! We need tickets for whoever is performing tonight!" Heathcliffe said as the three ran up and checked the schedule. "Awesome! Green Day is gonna be here!"_

_Aki sighed._

_"Sarutobi-kun, what about me?" Aki asked her boyfriend, who turned around to face her._

_"You know what, Aki, let's ditch my brothers and hit the town together," Heathcliffe said grabbing her hand._

_"You mean it?" Aki asked Heathcliffe._

_"Yep! Now, let's go get something to eat at the Hard Rock -" Heathcliffe said before the jingle of a familiar truck cut him off._

_"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Holden and Soren shouted before they ran off. Heathcliffe facepalmed._

_"Great... Now we have to go get my brothers," Heathcliffe said to himself. "Doflamingo, we'll meet you at the Luxor!"_

_A few minutes later, Heathcliffe managed to track down Holden and Soren, who were at the Hooters Resort Casino getting their ice cream of the ice cream man._

_"I still don't understand why we had to go all the way to Hooters to get ice cream," Holden said._

_"Why didn't you guys save me any?" Heathcliffe cried. Soren pushed his ice cream into Heathcliffe's face._

_"Better now? Your girlfriend can lick it off of your face now," Soren asked Heathcliffe._

_"Soren, bro, don't make such insensitive comments about our baby brother's love life," Holden said as he handed Heathcliffe a napkin._

_"Fine. Heathcliffe, Aki, i'm sorry for making those comments," Soren said._

_"It's okay, bro," Heathcliffe said as they approached the Luxor, where Hancock was holding Doflamingo at gunpoint._

_"Doflamingo, care to tell us what's going on?" Heathcliffe asked the puppeteer._

_"I have him now, Sarutobis and Chung-Feng! Now, Doflamingo shall -" Hancock said evilly before an ice cream truck drove by._

_"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Hancock said. She then dropped her gun and began chasing after the ice cream truck._

_"*Sigh*... Finally free at last," Doflamingo said. But, that freedom was short-lived, as another ice cream truck drove by._

_"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Doflamingo yelled before chasing after the ice cream truck._

***End Flashback, Revert to the Present Time***

* * *

><p>"So, you lost Doflamingo over an ice cream truck?" Nami asked Heathcliffe.<p>

"Hard to believe, yes," Aki anwsered with a sad nod. Meanwhile, Crocodile, Yasopp, and Mihawk were drinking at a bar outside, when they heard Nami's loud, angry scream.

"Man, bitch has a set of lungs on her," Crocodile commented, shaking his head.

"She should play Carlotta in Phantom of the Opera," Yasopp added. Then, the rest of the group arrived.

"Hi, dad!" Usopp said.

"Hey, son! Where's Shanks?" Yasopp asked everyone.

"Ice cream truck," Nami said bitterly.

"I see! What about Doflamingo?" Yasopp asked them.

"Again, ice cream truck," Holden said. Yasopp grew silent.

"We're going to Harrah's," Yasopp simply said. Over at Harrah's/Imperial Palace monorail stop, Shanks was waiting for everyone, in hopes that they'd go there to use the monorail.

"Hello, there. What's a dame like you doing here?"

Shanks turned back, and she saw a hipster wearing a fur-print hat with a hoodie with some sort of smiley on it.

"Who are you?" Shanks asked the hipster. "_Besides obscure_?"

The man smirked.

"I'm surprised you don't know who I am, but, then again, i'm a hipster. I'm too obscure to be a mainstream celebrity like Kim Kardashian," The hipster explained.

"Eww! Don't make analogies to that whore!" Shanks stated in utter disgust and anger.

"I agree. Kim Kardashian was always a whore," The hipster said as he sat down on a bench and pulled out his phone. "Hmm... Bonney's not back yet."

"Who's Bonney?" Shanks asked the hipster.

"She's my hipster girlfriend. You don't know about her, as she's obscure," The hipster explained as he texted somebody.

"Enough with your hipster game! Who are you?" Shanks asked the hipster.

"I'm Trafalgar Law. Of course, you've never heard of me, since i'm that obscure."

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>And, so, Trafalgar Law makes his entrance and all is right with the world.

**Review if you want to see Ivankov's third apprentice in this big adventure.**


	9. Oh, Come my Way!

**Author's Note: **This is the longest chapter in the fic, so far. Oh, and during the battle against Bon Kurei, I suggest that you go on Youtube and play the song "Nightshade (Spray Mix)" by Melody and Mezzo, since that song plays during the battle.

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or the song "Nightshade (Spary Mix)".**

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, the search party (for lack of a better term) arrived at Harrah's.<p>

"Where are we going next, dad?" Usopp asked Yasopp.

"I don't know. It's your call," Yasopp explained.

"Alright, then, we're going to Paris Las Vegas," Sanji stated.

"No, we're going to the Hard Rock," Heathcliffe stated.

"That's the hotel you're staying at!" Sanji pointed out.

"I actually want to go to the MGM Grand. They're having this big kendo tourney tonight," Kazuma said.

"My brothers, girlfriend, I are seeing Green Day in concert tonight," Heathcliffe added.

"We're seeing _Phantom of the Opera_ tonight," Kartik added.

"Really? Well, I'm supposed to go to this food festival at this buffet with -" Bonney explained before Mihawk cut them off.

"Enough, enough, ENOUGH!" Mihawk shouted. The group grew silent.

"Bonney, I think you broke Mihawk," Luffy pointed out.

"We're supposed to be looking for Shanks, that hipster dude, and Doflamingo, NOT discussing our plans for tonight!" Mihawk pointed out.

"Hey, Mihawk, I have a question; Why don't you just call Shanks?" Vivi asked Mihawk.

"We'll call her when we get to the monorail station," Mihawk explained as they made their way down the hall toward the railroad station. Luffy and his brothers stopped.

"Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill?" Ace wondered out loud as they stared into the bar.

"We all love Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill," Sabo said. Nami grabbed them by the shirt collars.

"We're going now. I suggest you should go if you want to see Shanks-sensei," Nami said as she dragged them off. A few moments later, they arrived at the monorail station, where Shanks and Law were waiting for them.

"Hey, Law!" Bonney greeted her hipster boyfriend as she gave him a hug.

"Miss Bonney, where have you been?" Law asked Bonney.

"Oh, I was with that gay couple over there," Bonney explained as she pointed to Apoo and Hawkins. "Apparently, they adopted me for the night. Have you seen the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back?"

"What gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back?" Law asked Bonney as said gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back approached Law from behind.

"That would be me, Mr. 2 Bon Kurei, the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back," Bon Kurei introduced himself.

"See, everyone, THIS is the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back that turned me into a baby last night!" Bonney pointed out to everyone.

"And, this little gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back knows what other gay, crossdressing, ballet dancers with swans on their backs know - Okama Kenpo!" Bon Kurei shouted. Everyone grew silent, save for crickets chirping (despite being in the afternoon) and some people snickering.

"Oh, and, by orders of Emporio Ivankov - another gay, crossdressing ballet dancer, but, he doesn't have swans on his back -, laugh at my Okama Kenpo, and somebody gets it," Bon Kurei casually explained as he pulled a gun up to Shanks' head.

"Hey, Heathcliffe, where did the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back get that gun?" Holden asked Heathcliffe, since Bon Kurei seemed to pull the weapon out of Hammerspace.

"Will everybody please stop referring to our opponent as 'the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back'? His name is Bon Kurei," Hana requested.

"Actually, Mr. 2 Bon Kurei is my stripper name. My real name is Bentham," Bon Kurei explained.

"So... Should we continue to refer to you as 'the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back'?" Sabo asked Bon Kurei. Everyone grew silent.

"You are going down," Bon Kurei said, allowing this authoress to begin the battle!

_From nightfall until the morning sky_  
><em>Music is never in short supply<em>  
><em>Sound asleep during the midday<em>  
><em>We'll be dancing all through the soirèe<em>  
><em>When we're in love, we won't ever sleep<em>  
><em>The bass and the drums make our hearts want to leap<em>  
><em>Bring up the lights, let the music begin<em>  
><em>Feeling the rhythm as we twirl and spin<em>

"Oh, come my way!" Bon Kurei called out as he charged toward Mihawk, ready to kick him. Bon Kurei did a piourette and was about to kick Mihawk, when Mihawk unsheathed his giant sword and blocked the attack.

"Nice one, Mihawk!" Kazuma called out from the sidelines. Mihawk then knocked Bon Kurei to the ground with his sword.

"Ow! My nutbladder!" Bon Kurei cried.

"Looks like we've got this battle," Mihawk said as he was sheathing up his sword. Bon Kurei just got up.

"This gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back is not done! That was just the warm-up to our big performance!" Bon Kurei proclaimed as he wiggled his fingers.

"Are you seriously using spirit fingers? What are you, on crack cocaine?" Hana called out to Bon Kurei. Mihawk turned to the search party.

"Get him," Mihawk simply said. And, the search party charged toward him.

_Let's experience the masquerade_  
><em>Underneath the moon and the nightshade<em>  
><em>There is no need to be afraid<em>  
><em>This is how the game is played<em>  
><em>We'll become anyone we choose<em>  
><em>You and I so easily amuse<em>  
><em>Everyone else seems to fade<em>  
><em>In the nightshade<em>

"Yahoo! This is so much fun!" Luffy said as he ran up a pole and jumped off of it to avoid Bon Kurei's spins.

"You got that right!" Kazuma echoed as he tried to stab Bon Kurei with his nodachi. But, Bon Kurei hopped onto the hilt of his sword. "What the hell?"

"Oh, you are so handsome! Won't you come my way?" Bon Kurei asked before he kicked Kazuma, who fell to the ground.

"Ow!" Kazuma cried.

"Kazuma!" Yuki-Rin cried worriedly before turning to Bon Kurei while unsheathing her katana in a badass fashion. "Yoo-hoo, Bon Kurei!"

Bon Kurei turned to Yuki-Rin.

"Yes?" Bon Kurei said gayly. Yuki-Rin just ran toward him.

"Oh, come MY way, bitch!" Yuki-Rin said, charging her katana at Bon Kurei, who did a slow-motion backflip to avoid the attack. "What the -"

"Sorry, but, only gay, crossdressing, ballet dancers with swans on their backs can learn Okama Kempo!" Bon Kurei taunted as he landed on his toes.

"What the - How does he do it?" Sanji wondered to himself.

"Beats me, but, we've gotta defeat him if we want clues that will lead us to Doflamingo," Yasopp anwsered.

"And for me to become a dude again," Shanks added.

"That too," Crocodile said as he stepped forward and put a hook over his left hand. "Now... Let's get dangerous."

_Take my hand and lean in close_  
><em>Feel the room spin hear when they oppose<em>  
><em>Dance in the clouds to the balcony<em>  
><em>Soft is the breeze from the Corsican Sea<em>  
><em>Skin is smooth and your breath is warm<em>  
><em>But, the wind carries in the storm<em>  
><em>So, we run to the underground<em>  
><em>To bear reign to a very different sound<em>  
><em>"Thanks, Croc," Sanji thanked Crocodile.<em>

"Let's make a sandstorm!" Crocodile proclaimed before throwing his hands into the air, spinning up a mini-sandstorm.

"What good is this doing?" Kartik asked Crocodile.

"My eyes!" Bon Kurei cried, rubbing the sand out of his eyes as the sandstorm ended.

"My turn. Dos Fleur! Grab!" Robin cried. Then, two limbs sprouted from the floor, pinning Bon Kurei by his legs to the ground.

"Nice one, Robin-chawn!" Sanji commented. Robin smiled.

"Anything for Cook-san," Robin said. "Plus, it's sparing those who can't fight from fighting so they don't have to defend themselves."

"I see where you're coming from," Sanji observed. But, Bon Kurei broke free from Robin's grasp.

"He can't do that!" Sanji cried.

"I just did, because i'm a gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with swans on his back!" Bon Kurei proclaimed as he charged at Robin and Matsu and pinned them to a wall with his feet.

"Matsu-swan! Robin-chawn!" Sanji cried. Nami then got out her Clima-Tact and ran toward Bon Kurei.

"Let go of them right now!" Nami yelled as she hit Bon Kurei in the head with her Clima-Tact. Bon Kurei then kicked Nami down, allowing for Robin to make an escape.

"Kartik! Help me!" Matsu cried. Kartik got out a bow and a red-tipped arrow.

"Fire Arrow!" Kartik yelled as he released the arrow, which pieced through Bon Kurei's swans on his back and set them on fire. The arrow with the two swan heads and necks flew so far, it didn't stop until it hit Bally's Las Vegas.

"Noooo! My magical, gay swans!" Bon Kurei cried as he sunk to his knees. But, as soon as he sunk down, he got back up. "You! The purple-haired guy! This is war!"

_Let's experience the masquerade_  
><em>Underneath the moon and the nightshade<em>  
><em>There is no need to be afraid<em>  
><em>This is how the game is played<em>  
><em>We'll become anyone we choose<em>  
><em>You and I so easily amuse<em>  
><em>Everyone else seems to fade<em>  
><em>In the nightshade<em>

Bon Kurei ran up to Kartik and kicked him, but, Kartik used his bow to block.

"You! Destroyed! My swans!" Bon Kurei yelled as he kept trying to kick Kartik, who kept dodging.

"I had to save Matsu! That was the only choice!" Kartik explained as he began to back up to avoid Bon Kurei's kicks and ballet moves. His back eventually hit a pole.

"Looks like you're cornered now!" Bon Kurei commented. Kartik just raised an eyebrow in a sophisticated manner. The pole then split in half, all thanks to a cut of a sword by Zoro.

"I'll take it from here," Zoro said. Soren picked up the half of the pole that fell.

"My brothers and I will join you!" Soren added before he charged at Bon Kurei with the pole. Bon Kurei jumped onto the pole, ran down it, and kicked Soren in the face. He then did a handstand, grabbed the pole, and jumped back onto his feet, with the pole in hand. Heathcliffe said nothing as he pulled out a scythe.

"Thief of the Night," Heathcliffe muttered. Then, the pole flew out of Bon Kurei's hands and back into Soren's hands.

"Thanks, bro!" Soren said before he charged at Bon Kurei again. Bon Kurei lifted up his foot and stopped the pole with it.

"You're just trying the same thing again! Insane much?" Bon Kurei asked Soren, who pulled the pole from out under Bon Kurei's feet, sending him to the ground.

"Who are you calling insane?" Soren asked Bon Kurei. But, during these brief moments when Soren was speaking, Bon Kurei got back onto his feet and threw Soren into about half of the search partygoers.

"Fuck! My nutbladder!" Crocodile cried from underneath Mihawk, who was under Yasopp, who was under Soren.

"I'm okay," Soren groaned as he gave the thumbs-up.

"Wow, that was total Deux-ex-Machina," Hana stated. Nami bit her lip.

"And, because of that, we're losing to the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with the swans on his back!" Nami pointed out.

"Suck it, losers!" Bon Kurei yelled. "Oh, come my way!"

Bon Kurei did yet another piourette, kicking both Matsu and Robin to the ground.

"Matsu-swan! Robin-chawn!" Sanji cried angrily. "Diablé Jambe!"

Sanji - with his leg now on fire - kicked Bon Kurei, who blocked the shot with his own leg. Then, Bon Kurei overpowered Sanji, sending him to the ground.

"Shit!" Sanji cried as he punched the ground with his fist.

"Nami, do something! We're losing big time!" Vivi cried. Nami just sighed.

"It can't be helped. We're gonna lose," Nami said.

"Don't worry, Nami, I bet a Deux-ex-Machina - *Cough*An ice cream truck*Cough* - is coming to save us right now," Yuki-Rin re-assured the orange-haired teen. Then, said Deux-ex-Machina arrived in the form of - no joke - a dinosaur.

_Yes! Alright! Oh, yeah! Nightshade!_  
><em>Yes! Alright! Oh, yeah! Nightshade!<em>  
><em>Nightshade!<em>

"_Holy fucking shit,_  
><em>It's a dinosaur!<em>  
><em>Jesus Christ! What the fuck?<em>  
><em>Oh, my fucking God!<em>  
><em>Fucking dinosaurs!<em>  
><em>Holy shit!<em>  
><em>What the fu-uu-uuck?<em>" Zoro sang.

"What the hell? Is that a dinosaur?" Sanji cried.

"Cool!" Luffy said as the dinosaur began chasing Bon Kurei around. Some of the other search party members sweatdropped.

"Uhh... I'm not even going to ask anymore," Kartik said.

_Let's experience the masquerade_  
><em>Underneath the moon and the nightshade<em>  
><em>There is no need to be afraid<em>  
><em>This is how the game is played<em>  
><em>We'll become anyone we choose<em>  
><em>You and I so easily amuse<em>  
><em>Everyone else seems to fade<em>  
><em>In the nightshade<em>

"Brilliant! This gives me hope!" Yuki-Rin said as she picked up her katana, ran up to Bon Kurei, and cut up the laces to his (yes, HIS) ballet tights.

"Ahhhh!" Bon Kurei screamed like a girl, giving the dinosaur time to grab Bon Kurei by the scruff of his neck.

"This isn't over! I -" Bon Kurei said before an ice cream truck - another Deux-ex-Machina - drove by. "Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!"

Bon Kurei ran off, leaving the search party to sweatdrop.

_In the nightshade_

"Okay then... Weirdest battle ever," Vivi said.

"I concur," Nami agreed.

"There goes any info on Doflamingo or those thieves," Mihawk said, shaking his head.

"Maybe we should hire an informant," Crocorile suggested.

"Looking for an informant?"

Everyone turned to the dinosaur, who now transformed into a man dressed as one of the Three Musketeers.

"Drake... What are you doing here?" Hawkins asked his ex-boyfriend.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: Review if you want to see the search party head over to the Paris Las Vegas.<strong>


	10. Es Usted Hablan Francés?

**Author's Note: **Here is another chapter of our epic Vegas adventure. I was watching some of "The Hangover" while writing this chapter, and this makes me want to go to Vegas even more.

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda still owns One Piece.**

* * *

><p>"Drake... What are you doing here?" Hawkins asked his ex-boyfriend.<p>

"I got a job as an informant. Now, what are YOU doing here?" X. Drake asked Hawkins.

"You're an informant? Cool! Do an Izaya Orihara impersonation!" Luffy encouraged.

"Where's your furry pimp coat that Izaya wears?" Kazuma asked X. Drake.

"Guys, please. Not all informants act or dress like Orihara Izaya," Nami pointed out.

"What about Shizuo Heiwajima? Where's his Shizu-chan?" Yuki-Rin cried.

"Enough!" Nami yelled. Everyone grew silent.

"So, Basil, you never anwsered my question," X. Drake said with a grin. Hawkins sighed.

"I came here with Apoo - my new boyfriend in case you didn't know - for a weekend trip. Is that too much to ask?" Hawkins explained.

"You still have a special place in my heart," X. Drake told Hawkins, who rolled his eyes.

"Oh, shut up," Hawkins said dryly. Everyone grew silent.

"Guys, if we want to find Doflamingo by tomorrow, we should board the monorail right now," Yasopp pointed out.

"Excellent. Where are we going to next?" Nami asked the search party. Sanji lit up a cigarette, and breathed into it.

"We're going to Paris Las Vegas," Sanji stated.

* * *

><p>"<em>Now arriving at Bally'sParis Las Vegas_."

The search party, now with X. Drake in tow, got off of the monorail at Bally's.

"Yuck! Nobody told me we were taking a shortcut through Bally's!" Sanji cried, disgusted at the hotel/casino.

"I'm sorry, but, this place just seems dirty to me, just saying," Kartik said.

"Oh, cheer up, Kartik! Singing will make the time in here go by fast!" Luffy re-assured the young, cultured man. "_Oh, the islands in the south are warm_!"

"Luffy, stop singing. I have a headache," Zoro requested. Sanji whistled.

"My, somebody's grumpy," Sanji commented. Zoro gave him a death glare.

"Do you have a freaking death wish, Dartboard Brow?" Zoro asked Sanji.

"No, Marimo. I'm just a little pissed that we have to walk through a trashy place," Sanji said. An ugly cocktail waitress wearing skimpy clothing named Lola approached them.

"Would you like a drink, handsome?" Lola asked Sanji, who threw up all over Kartik. Everyone else went "eww".

"What in the name of Charles Dickens? Sanji, this was a new polo!" Kartik cried.

"It's not my fault this place has such fugly waitresses!" Sanji sobbed. Robin hugged Sanji.

"Shh... It's alright, Cook-san. I'm here," Robin tried to re-assure the Ero-Cook before turning to Kartik and Matsu. "I'm so sorry about this. As you may know, Sanji throws up whenever he sees very ugly women."

"It's quite alright, Robin. I'll just get washed up when we get to Paris," Kartik said with a nervous laugh. Nami facepalmed.

"Can this day get any crazier?" Nami asked herself.

"Nami, you shouldn't say stuff like that. If you do, things WILL get crazier," Ace pointed out. Nami sighed.

"You're right, Ace. I just want this day to get less crazy so I can just go back to my hotel room and take a well-deserved nap," Nami said.

"I think we all just want this day to be over so we can go back to our hotel rooms and get some sleep," Ace said.

* * *

><p>As soon as the search party arrived at Paris Las Vegas, Kartik and Sanji - being the suave and sophisticated gentlemen they are - made a beeline for the restroom so Kartik could wash the vomit off of him and so Sanji could either puke some more or recover from the shock of seeing such an ugly woman.<p>

"Kartik, you know what i'm thinking?" Sanji asked Kartik, who looked up from washing his shirt in the sink.

"Yes?" Kartik asked Sanji.

"I'd rather be in the actual Paris than in the Las Vegas Paris. At least we'll be surrounded by food, wine, and culture and not genderbending art thieves, ice cream trucks, and gay, crossdressing, ballet dancers with swans on their backs," Sanji said.

"Same here. We could take Matsu and Robin, and we'd be there for a few peaceful weeks, speaking French and seeing the sights," Kartik agreed. Sanji sighed.

"I wonder if my French is still fluent..." Sanji said to himself.

"Alors, où allons-nous ensuite?" Kartik asked Sanji. (1)

"Si j'avais à ma façon, que nous allions directement à la maison en ce moment," Sanji anwsered. Kartik chuckled.

"Non, non. Qu'est-ce que je voulais dire, là à Las Vegas que nous allons venir après nous fait ici?" Kartik asked Sanji. (3)

"Retour à la chambre d'hôtel," Sanji curtly anwsered. Kartik laughed. (4)

"Mon, semble comme vous ne voulez pas être sur la ville. Pas même de voir le Fantôme de l'Opéra tard ce soir?" Kartik said. (5)

"Eh bien, je quitterais la chambre d'hôtel pour ça. De plus, j'aurais peut-être vous acheter une nouvelle chemise pour compenser vomir sur tout le celui que vous portez," Sanji explained. (6)

"C'est correct. J'ai réussi à sortir tous les vomissures. Vous n'avez pas à faire ça, vraiment, mais merci pour l'offre," Kartik explained. (7)

"Laissez-moi deviner - Saviez-vous que vous Matsu chemise?" Sanji asked Kartik, who laughed nervously. (8)

"En fait ... Oui. C'est quand nous sommes allés à Palm Springs il ya quelques mois," Kartik explained as he buttoned up his shirt. Sanji lit up a new cigarette. (9)

"Eh bien, revenons à la partie recherche. Nous ne voulons pas les faire attendre," Sanji said. (10)

"Saint motherf[bleep]k, c'est un camion de crème glacée/Santo motherf[pitido]k, es un camión de helados!"

* * *

><p>"They did WHAT?" Sanji cried. Kartik and Sanji returned to only Nami, Matsu, Mihawk, Law, Bonney, and Robin.<p>

"Yes, they all ran after an ice cream truck. Don't ask me why," Nami said curtly.

"So, now what?" Sanji cried.

"We're gonna go find them. I'm surprised that we haven't put trackers on them yet," Nami said.

"And, i'm surprised that almost everyone in the search party ran off," Sanji added.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>Here's what Kartik and Sanji (and the search party for the last quote) said:

**(1) - "So, where are we going next?"**

**(2) - "If I had it my way, we'd be going straight home right now."**

**(3) - "No, no. What I meant is, where in Vegas are we going to next after we're done here?"**

**(4) - "Back to the hotel room."**

**(5) - "My, seems like you don't want to be out on the town. Not even to see Phantom of the Opera later tonight?"**

**(6) - "Well, I'd leave the hotel room for that. Plus, maybe I should buy you a new shirt to make up for puking all over the one you're wearing."**

**(7) - "It's okay. I managed to get off all of the vomit. You don't have to do that, really, but thanks for the offer."**

**(8) - "Let me guess - Did Matsu get you that shirt?"**

**(9) - "Acutally... Yes. It was when we went to Palm Springs a few months ago."**

**(10) - "Well, let's get back to the search party. We wouldn't want to keep them waiting."**

**(11) - "Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!"**

**Oh, and the chapter title means "Do You Speak French?" in English. (That was a fail. I'm in Spanish with an A in the class and I can speak it pretty fluently, but, I used Google Translate for the chapter name. Epic fail indeed.)**

**Review if you want to see the CP9.**


	11. In Which Sanji Wants to Leave Vegas

**Author's Note: **And, so, our adventure continues! And, nobody chases an ice cream truck in this chapter! Yay!

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, what was left of the search party strolled down the Las Vegas Strip, calling out the names of every single person who ran off to get ice cream.<p>

"Luffy? Usopp? Sabo? Baka Marimo? Where the fuck are you guys?" Sanji called out. Nami sighed.

"I can't even call somebody, since my phone got jacked," Nami said.

"Well, we can always escape from the rest of the people and go home," Sanji explained as he smoked another cigarette.

"Why do you want to go home so much?" Robin asked Sanji.

"I hate this place even more with each passing hour! People are running after ice cream trucks and getting lost, that one place had ugly cocktail waitresses, and now we're stuck wandering the Las Vegas Strip in search of everyone else who ditched us!" Sanji ranted before hyperventlating into a paper bag. "Next time, we're going to San Fransisco for a vacation! I want to go home!"

"We can't. Remember, I have to be a best man in a gay wedding tomorrow, and I need to find the groom and find a way to turn the best man back into a man," Mihawk explained.

"Well, you can just stay in this shitty town until your shitty wedding is over! See if I give a crap!" Sanji yelled as he pointed to Bonney and Law. "And why are YOU TWO here?"

"We came for a food convention starting Monday," Law explained.

"Yep! Food from all over the world!" Bonney added. Sanji facepalmed.

"I hope the Crap Geezer doesn't send me to represent Baratie," Sanji said to himself as the renemants of the search party entered the New York New York.

"You know, Sanji-ya, years from now, we're gonna all look back on this Vegas vecation and laugh," Law theorized. Sanji slapped him across the face, Mexican standoff-style.

"I can't believe you just said that, Trafalgar! Like hell, i'm gonna laugh at this years from now!" Sanji ranted.

"Easy there, Ero-Cook. I get enough abuse from Kidd back home," Law said. Sanji sighed.

"That's not the point! The point is that I am hating this place even more with each passing second!" Sanji ranted. What everyone didn't notice was that they arrived at the roller coaster inside the arcade. "What the hell? There's a ROLLER COASTER inside here?"

"No duh, Sherlock," Bonney said sarcastically. Sanji sighed as he lit up a new cigarette.

"This is just like a nightmare, except there's no escape until much later," Sanji said to himself. Robin patted him on the back.

"Don't worry, Cook-san, we're gonna leave Vegas soon," Robin re-assured the Ero-Cook. Sanji sighed.

"I'm probably gonna have a panic attack soon. This voyage is driving me crazy," Sanji said to himself.

"Wow, Sanji's mental state is worse than we thought," Nami said to Robin, Matsu, Kartik, Mihawk, Law, and Bonney.

"You think he has it bad? I have it worse! My best friend got a sex change, the groom in the gay wedding i'm in tomorrow has been kidnapped and I can't find him, my other friend keeps running off after ice cream trucks, and, now all three of them are gone, and I don't know where they are! Plus, the wedding's tomorrow morning and we need to find the stripper art thief and the gay, crossdressing, ballet dancer with swans on his back so Shanks can be a man again! And, if I don't get Shanks, Shanks' manhood, Crocodile, and Doflamingo back by tomorrow morning, the whole wedding will get cancelled and I will have to be the groom in a gay wedding to Crocodile just so Crocodile could keep his job! Sanji, you were right! This is just like a nightmare - a fucked-up nightmare that is bascially one big drag show on crack cocaine and booze that takes place in Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada! Get me out of - *wheeze* *cough* - here before I go further into insanity!" Mihawk ranted before going into a coughing and wheezing fit.

"Mihawk, are you okay?" Matsu asked. Mihawk managed to stop coughing and gagging.

"Yeah. It was probably just a small panic attack. I'll be fine," Mihawk said. The group grew silent.

"Well then... Anybody want to go drinking?" Sanji offered. A few minutes later, the eight were sitting in Binks' Saké Irish Pub, drinking and eating fish and chips.

_Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho,_  
><em>Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho,<em>  
><em>Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho,<em>  
><em>Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho<em>

"This is actually wonderful, guys. We're all sitting here, happy and drunk," Sanji slurred, as he was on his fourth pint of Guiness.

"Speak for yourself. I'm still on my first drink," Kartik said with a chuckle. Sanji glared at him.

"Lightweight," Sani muttered. "Waiter, more drinks, please! I need to get my booze on and drown my sorrows!"

Nami laughed really hard and loud.

"I-I'm paralyzed with happiness!" Nami - who was on her seventh drink - slurred before hiccuping. Robin smiled.

"It's nice to see Cook-san lighten up and drown his sorrows with a Don," Robin commented.

"Same here. I'm glad I drunken beer myself," Mihawk said. Several empty glasses that held whiskey surrounded him.

_Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo_  
><em>Umikaze kimakase namimakase<em>  
><em>Shio no mukou de, yuuhi mo sawagu<em>  
><em>Sora nya wa wo kaku, tori no uta<em>

_Sayonara minato, Tsumugi no sato yo_  
><em>DON to icchou utao, funade no uta<em>  
><em>Kinpa-ginpa mo shibuki ni kaete<em>  
><em>Oretacha yuku zo, umi no kagiri<em>

The skeleton-like waiter - who had an afro - approached them with more booze and fish and chips.

"I can see that you guys are having fun. But, I don't eyes for seeing. Yohohohoho! Skull joke!" The waiter - whose nametag said "Brook" - said as he put the food and drink down on the table. "Ladies, may I see your panties?"

"Excuse me, you shouldn't be asking a lady that! Not only is it vile and uncouth, but it is sexual harassment!" Kartik said to the waiter.

"You're a pervert! Can we get a new waiter?" Bonney asked to nobody in particular. Law just smirked.

"Miss Bonney, just shut up and eat your fish and chips," Law advised. With a shrug, the waiter walked away.

"Sanji, we should go to Ireland someday! Irish pubs make people happy!" Nami slurred/yelled. Sanji grinned.

"I can possibly arrange for that! I feel like a million bucks right now!" Sanji slurred.

_Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo_  
><em>Warera kaizoku, umi watteku<em>  
><em>Nami wo makura ni, negura wa fune yo<em>  
><em>Ho ni hata ni ketateru wa dokuro<em>

_Arashi ga kita zo, senri no sora ni_  
><em>Nami ga odoru yo, DORAMU narase<em>  
><em>Okubyoukaze ni fukarerya saigo<em>  
><em>Asu no asahi ga nai ja nashi<em>

"Cheers, everyone! May we continue to be as lucky as right now!" Sanji said as he raized his glass.

"Cheers!" Everyone yelled as they toasted their drinks. However, after the toast ended, Sanji's iPhone rang, so he had to answer it.

"Hello? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We aren't coming to pick you guys up. MGM Grand? You finally found Doflamingo? Thank God! We'll be right there!" Sanji said before hanging up. "Mihawk, good news! The search party is at MGM Grand, and they found Doflamingo!"

"Final-fucking-ly! Now, we can go get Doflamingo, find the crosdressing art thief, and end this needless adventure in Vegas!" Mihawk said before he got out his wallet and put some money down on the table. "Come on, guys, let's go!"

"Hey! We need to pay and tip our waiter, even though he's a perv!" Sanji pointed out. Mihawk just pointed to the money on the table. "Oh. Well, then, let's go!"

"Oh, frabjous day! Ca -" Kartik said before Mihawk cut him off.

"Yeah, Abingdon, we get it! We're going!" Mihawk said as they eight left the pub. Brook returned to the table.

"Now can I see you pant - Oh, I see how it is," Brook said.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: Review if you want to see Doflamingo after all of this mayhem.<strong>


	12. Idiots With Tasers

**Author's Note: **And, Doflamingo returns... For about five minutes. You'll see why. XD

**Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece, orange soda belongs to Kel, and fish-slapping is from Monty Python.**

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, Nami, Mihawk, Kartik, Matsu, Sanji, Robin, Bonney, and Law arrived at the MGM Grand. They got a bit distracted and they were watching animals at the lion habitat.<p>

"I thought this was a lion habitat," Sanji said as the watched the polar bear, who was named Bepo.

"Obviously, there are no lions," Law stated. "But, i'm loving this bear like my French fries at McDonald's."

Bepo then held up a sign that said, "I'm sorry I was born a bear. I want to be reborn as one of the Kardashians". The search party laughed for exactly five seconds.

"Okay, the novelty wore off when the bear pulled out that sign. Let's go, guys," Nami said before they continued on deeper into the casino.

"Sanji, where did Crocodile say to meet us?" Kartik asked Sanji, who took a puff from his cigarette.

"He said to meet us near the monorail station closest to the food court," Sanji said as they passed a fancy, Italian restaurant. Then, something came out of the restaurant and grabbed Sanji's crotch.

"What the hell?" Sanji shouted, causing the hand to let go of his crotch. When he looked into the restaurant, he saw nothing but people eating in a dimly-lit area. But, Sanji thought he saw the faint outlines of three key people in the distance - Bon Kurei, Ivankov, and Inazuma.

"What is it, Sanji?" Nami asked Sanji as they continued walking.

"Nothing, BUT I thought I saw the gay, crossdressing ballerina with the swans on his back," Sanji explained as they walked past the food court. "Crocodile, we're here!"

Nobody responded.

"Well, then, I guess they went to get a bite to eat. Or to gamble. Or, they freaking ditched us for the upteemth time today," Sanji said. Nami shuddered.

"What is it, Nami-swan? Are you cold?" Sanji lovingly asked Nami.

"No, I just had a bad feeling about what happened back there," Nami said.

"Hello there, good sirs! Would you like to earn extra money in the timespan of fifteen minutes?"

Three men - a blonde-haired man in a motorcycle jacket, a purple-haired man in an orange suit with a mouse in his pocket, and a blue-haired man only wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a Speedo - approached them.

"Uhh... Sure? We have time to kill," Law said.

"Good. My name's Iceburg. These two guys are Paulie and Franky, and they're the hosts of America's Next Top Shipwright," Iceburg explained.

"Mr. Iceburg, I watch that show, and, I must say, I would like to be on that show someday," Kartik explained.

"Thank you. We're looking for people to volunteer for our new show, and we need the help of you four gentlemen," Iceburg explained.

"It's gonna be a SUPAH show, so look out for it when it airs!" Franky - the man in the Speedo - explained.

"But, first, WILL YOU SHAMELESS GIRLS JUST COVER UP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?" Paulie yelled to Bonney, Robin, and Nami.

"Uhhh... I can't, really, since i'm staying at Planet Hollywood," Bonney said. A few minutes later, the eight were at a television pitch studio, which just happened to be in the MGM Grand. The men were on stage for the show, and the women sat in the audience.

"I can't believe we're doing this. We don't have time for this," Nami said bitterly.

"Cheer up, Nami. We'll be done in fifteen minutes. I'm sure that the rest of the search party is running late," Robin re-assured Nami as the show began.

"Welcome to the pilot of our new show, Idiots With Tasers!" Paulie said as Iceburg passed out tasers to Kartik, Sanji, Mihawk, and Law.

"I'm not an idiot! I have a degree from Harvard!" Kartik yelled.

"Now, let's see what these people will do with these tasers!" Paulie said.

"I hope this show never gets made," Nami said as she wrote "Please - for the love of God - do not air this show" on her comment card.

"Now, we -" Paulie said before an ice cream truck drove by.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Paulie, Franky, and Iceburg yelled before running off. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Let's get out of here," Law said to the rest of the search party. A few minutes later, they were walking back to the food court.

"That was weird," Nami said.

"Amen to that, Sister," Bonney said in agreement.

"I may not be an idiot, but I still hold Iceburg in high regard," Kartik explained. Sanji took a drag from his cigarette.

"I'm getting kinda hungry here. Does anybody want to get a bite to eat while we -" Sanji said before something cut him off.

"Get your hands off of me! I was already kidnapped once in the past 24 hours!"

"That must be Doflamingo! Finally!" Mihawk said as they ran to the source of the noise, which was the food court. At the food court, the rest of the search party was confronting Bon Kurei, Ivankov, and Inazuma.

"Nami! The gay, crossdressing ballerina with swans on his back is back!" Luffy yelled.

"Doflamingo, get your ass over here! We've been looking all over Vegas for you!" Mihawk yelled.

"I've been looking all over Vegas for you guys, too. Long time no see, Dracule!" Doflamingo said casually.

"So, Doflamingo, did you have fun with whoever you were with?" Yasopp asked Doflamingo.

"No. I kept escaping, since my captor was chasing after ice cream trucks. Hard to believe I got kidnapped because of an ice cream truck, Heh heh heh," Doflamingo said.

"Guys, the gay, crossdressing ballerina with swans on his back, the Death Wink guy, and that other guy are standing across from us! We have a chance to turn myself back into a dude!" Shanks explained. Ivankov, Inazuma, and Bon Kurei laughed.

"Vhy vould ve do that? Ve need you for our ultimate art heist tonight!" Ivankow explained the Shanks.

"Art heist?" Shanks asked Ivankov.

"You heard him right, girlie. An art heist. We plan to steal many paintings from a fancy-schmancy resort casino, and then we're gonna sell them on Craigslist! Isn't that fun?" Inazuma asked. Shanks stormed up to Inazuma, kicked him in the nuts, and slapped him across the face with a fish for good measure.

"That was for refusing to give back my manhood, you man-bitch!" Shanks yelled.

"Don't do it, Shanks-sensei! This could lead to more issues!" Sabo yelled.

"Like we need more issues!" Mihawk yelled. Luffy cleared his throat.

"Vhat do you vant, brat? Go home!" Ivankov asked Luffy.

"Bring out your dead!" Luffy yelled as a battle cry. Inazuma smirked.

"In that case... Aww, here it goes!" Inzauma yelled as he grabbed Doflamingo and Shanks.

"What the hell?" Doflamingo and Shanks yelled.

"I remember Kenan and Kel. Who loves orange soda?" Holden asked everyone.

"Kel loves orange soda!" Kazuma yelled. Everyone else facepalmed.

"You're not helping!" Nami yelled as she banged both boys' heads together. Inazuma smirked.

"Well, then... Looks like you guys don't have your act together. When - and IF - you get your act together by tonight, meet us at the -" Bon Kurei explained before, yes, an ice cream truck drove by.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Inazuma, Bon Kurei, and Ivankov yelled before they ran off with Shanks and Doflamingo. The group grew very silent.

"Uhh... Who loves orange soda?" Usopp asked everyone. Nami sighed.

"I'm not even gonna answer that, you twerp," Nami said before she walked off in a huff.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>Kel loves orange soda, Usopp!

**Review if you want to see preperations for the - GASP - final showdown.**


	13. Overdone Battle Preparations Chapter

**Author's Note: **Since this chapter leads in to the final showdown, this fic has two chapters maxinum left after this chapter. Don't worry, I'm writing a Nami x Luffyko/Luffy fic up for all of you.

**Disclaimer: One Piece is still the property of Eichiiro Oda.**

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, Mihawk and Crocodile were leaving the MGM Grand, ready to go back to their hotel.<p>

"We are so screwed," Crocodile said, shaking his head. They then located Mihawk's Prius, which still had a wrecked backside from when Doflamingo crashed the Ferarri he "rented" into it.

"What the fuck happened to my car?" Mihawk cried.

"Dracule, now's not the time to think too much about it. There's a mechanic near our hotel. We can stop by him on the way back," Crocodile said as they both got into the car.

Surprisingly, they managed to get the car to a mechanic at a gas station near the Green Valley Ranch.

"Will you be able to fix my car by tomorrow at eleven? We're from out of town, and we need that car to get to a wedding, and then to go home," Mihawk asked the large mechanic named Tilestone.

"OF COURSE! THAT'LL BE $175.00," Tilestone shouted. Crocodile and Mihawk's jaws dropped.

"Do you know how much we've been through in the past 24 HOURS? Our best man was genderbent, the groom was kidnapped, we had to spend all day on the Strip looking for the parties responsible for this, we battled a gay, crossdressing ballerina with swans on his back, we were forced to chase after ice cream trucks, my car got wrecked, and we got into a lot of shenanigans. Please, give us a break," Mihawk begged.

"SORRY, CAN'T DO THAT! IF I DO, I LOSE MY JOB!" Tilestone shouted.

"You know, you have no need to shout," Crocodile said.

"I HAVE TO! IT RUNS IN MY FAMILY!" Tilestone shouted. A few minutes of walking later, the two arrived at their hotel.

"$175.00 for a repair. I told him about the wedding and all of the crazy shit that happened in the past 24 hours," Mihawk muttered as he and Crocodile stood in the elevator.

"But, you left out the fact that we're in a gay wedding and my whole sex scandal I had to go through. He could've given us pity," Crocodile explained as the elevator stopped at their floor and the two began walking to their room.

"What do you think this is, _Heidi_ or _Anne of Green Gables_? Not everyone is going to give us sappy, fluffy, diabetes-inducing moments where they take pity on us," Mihawk explained as he got out the room key and unlocked the door. When they got in, they saw a teen with green hair wearing a black-and-orange jacket trying to stuff a phonebook down his pants.

"Uhh... Hi there," The phonebook thief said. Mihawk and Crocodile sweatdropped.

"Young man, what's your name?" Mihawk asked the boy.

"My name's Daisuke," The boy answered.

"So, Daisuke, explain to us why you broke into our hotel room and why you're stealing a PHONE BOOK of all things," Mihawk said.

"Well, uh... I was forced to do this!" Daisuke cried.

"I don't believe that," Crocodile said.

"No, really, a guy with orange-and-white hair, a stripper art thief, and a gay, crossdressing ballerina with swans on his back forced me to do this - at gunpoint, I may add - as part of their Vegas-wide art heist! Their main base of operations will be in one hour at the M Resort and Casino! Oh, and one of those dudes genderbends people, so watch out!" Daisuke explained. "I was trying to steal the phonebook, because I wanted some pizza, and -"

Mihawk pulled a twenty and a five out of his wallet.

"Here's some money, go buy some pizza from the buffet downstairs. The five is extra money for you to get ice cream, since you were a good boy," Mihawk explained as he handed his money to the boy.

"Thanks, man! You heard the info from me first!" Daisuke said before exiting the room. Mihawk sighed.

"I'm gonna be broke by the end of this trip," Mihawk lamented.

* * *

><p>Over at the MGM Grand, Nami and Vivi were eating McDonald's at the food court.<p>

"Vivi, where did we go wrong - No, why did we even agree to be in that search party?" Nami asked Vivi.

"I think it's because we saw Shanks-sensei as a woman. I mean, at first, it was a good idea to, you know, go along with them and get Shanks-sensei proper clothing, which was possibly an excuse for us to go shopping. Then, things got out of hand, and now... *Sigh*... We're here, bitter about the whole thing," Vivi explained. As if on cue, Nami's phone rang.

"Hello? M Resort Casino? In one hour? We'll meet you there!" Nami said before hanging up. "Vivi, I need you to do me a favor."

A few minutes later, Nami found herself standing in front of a room at the Cosmopolitan.

"Nami-san, what are you doing here?" Robin asked Nami.

"I need to talk to you guys! This is important!" Nami said.

"Come in. Poor Sanji's been drinking himself silly since we ran into the people who kidnapped Shanks-san and Doflamingo-san," Robin said as she and Nami went into the large, fancy suite. Sanji was sitting at the dining room table with a bottle of wine in his hands.

"Oh, hey, Nami-swan. Wanna hear this song I came up with that reminds me of you?" Sanji slurred.

"How are you guys putting up with this?" Nami asked Robin, Kartik, and Matsu.

"We locked up the mini-bar and hid the wine," Kartik whispered.

"_Oh, i've got a lovely bunch o' coconuts._  
><em>There they are, standin' in a row<em>  
><em>Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!<em>  
><em>Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,<em>  
><em>That's what the showman said.<em>

_Oh, i've got a lovely bunch o' coconuts._  
><em>Every ball yer throw will make me rich.<em>  
><em>There stands me wife, the idol of me life,<em>  
><em>Singin'<em> -" Sanji sang before Nami cut him off.

"Sanji, are you sure that you're not referring to my breasts?" Nami asked Sanji.

"No - *hic* -, Nami-swan!" Sanji slurred.

"Anyway, I found the stripper art thief. We have to go to the M Resort casino, as he'll be there in one hour," Nami explained.

"The M? Where's that?" Matsu asked Nami.

"I think it's that casino you see about a minute before you hit the Strip," Kartik said.

"What's going on there?" Sanji - who had managed to sober up a bit - asked Nami.

"That's where the stripper art thief, the gay, crossdressing ballerina with swans on his back, and that other guy are! Chances are, Doflamingo and Shanks are there with them!" Nami explained. Everyone grew silent.

"Get in the car," Sanji said.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, at the Hard Rock Hotel, Vivi was telling Luffy, Usopp, Yasopp, Zoro, Yuki-Rin, Kazuma, Ace, Sabo, Aki, and the Sarutobi siblings the same thing.<p>

"Shanks-sensei is gonna be a dude again?" Luffy and Kazuma asked excitedly.

"Of course! We have to go there so we can get Shanks and Doflamingo back!" Vivi explained.

"Uhh... Does this mean we have to battle the gay, crossdressing ballerina with the swans on his back?" Heathcliffe asked Vivi, who sighed.

"Yes, Heathcliffe, we're gonna have to battle the gay, crossdressing ballerina with the swans on his back. It's so SHANKS-SENSEI can be A DUDE again," Vivi explained.

"Sugoi!" Luffy exclaimed. "I'm in!"

Then, somebody knocked on the door. Vivi answered it to... Hancock.

"Hello, there. Have you seen a Donquixote Doflamingo anywhere?" Hancock asked everyone.

"Bro, that's the bitch who kidnapped us," Holden pointed out.

"And the bitch who stole Aki's cheongsam," Heathcliffe whispered back.

"Uhh... We were just about to pick him up at the M. Wanna come?" Vivi asked Hancock.

"Sure, why the hell not?" Hancock said. "I need my manservant back."

Heathcliffe facepamed.

"Look, lady, this is some dude's groom in a homosexual wedding we're talking about, not your bitch! Stop talking about him, as you are beginning to sound like an actual bitch," Heathcliffe explained. Everyone "oohed".

"Burned," Yasopp commented.

"High-five, bro, high-five!" Soren said as Heathcliffe high-fived him.

"Oh, by the way, you owe my girlfriend that cheongsam you stole," Heathcliffe stated to Hancock.

"Bitch stole my cheongsam!" Aki yelled as she pointed to Hancock, causing everyone else to glare at her.

"Alright, i'll go with you to help get Doflamingo back AND i'll give the Chinese girl her dress she thought I stole from her," Hancock said with a huff.

"Women," Heathcliffe said to himself.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: Review if you want to see the final battle.<strong>


	14. The Take Over, the Break's Over

**Author's Note: **And, now, let's begin the final battle! Okamas vs. search party! Ivankov vs. Mihawk! Who will win?

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, any songs used, or any Monty Python jokes. I just own the poem Ivankov reads.**

* * *

><p>An hour later, Crocodile and Mihawk met Luffy, Ace, Sabo, Kazuma, Hana, Yuki-Rin, Usopp, Yasopp, Zoro, Nami, Vivi, Aki, Heathcliffe, Holden, Soren, Kartik, Matsu, Sanji, Robin, Law, Bonney, Apoo, X. Drake, Hawkins, and Hancock at the parking lot of the M.<p>

"Ready to go?" Mihawk asked everyone.

"Let's do this!" Luffy yelled.

"But, first..." Crocodile said as he put his hand in the center. "All for one..."

Everyone else put their hands on top of Crocodille's.

"And, one for all!" Everyone said.

"We're coming for you, Shanks-sensei!" Luffy yelled. "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!"

Then, everyone strutted to the entrance of the M in sort of a slo-mo style. In the background, the Tomoyasu Hotei song "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" played in the background in the two minutes and thirty seconds it took them to get from where they were standing to the entrance.

"We're here for you, Shanks-sensei!" Luffy yelled as they entered the casino/resort.

"Come out here RIGHT NOW, you shitty okamas!" Sanji yelled. Ivankov's face then popped up on a wide-screen T.V. He was sitting in a chair in a very swanky room. "Woah, that's swankier than my own hotel room. Damn."

"'Allo! Who is zis?" Ivankov asked the search party.

"We're looking for Shanks and Doflamingo," Mihawk explained.

"Like hell, I'd give zem to you vight now," Ivankov said.

"Look, man, Doflamigo's gonna be my groom in a gay wedding tomorrow morning. Can you help a gay guy out?" Crocodile pleaded.

"Nope! I've already got some!" Ivankov said.

"That's what he said," Sabo whispered to Ace, who laughed.

"Can we come up and have a look at your gay guys?" Mihawk - in all seriousness - asked Ivankov.

"No! You are Pasole types-a!" Ivankov explained.

"Pasole types? What's that?" Nami asked Ivankov, who facepalmed.

"Look, YOU DON'T FRIGHTEN US, PASOLE PIG DOGS! GO UND BOIL YOUR BOTTOMS, SONS OF A SILLY PERSON! I BLOW MY NOSE AT YOU, YOU SILLY DRACULE MIHAWK GOLFER! YOU UND YOUR SILLY CROCODILE KANNIGGET!" Ivankov shouted. Kartik cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, but we are here to -" Kartik explained before Ivankov cut him off.

"I DON'T VANNA TALK TO YOU NO MORE, YOU EMPTY-HEADED ANIMAL FOOD TROUGH VHOPPER! I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION! YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER UND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!" Ivankov shouted. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Okay... I'm just gonna call the police," Nami said. Ivankov pulled out a cell phone with the symbol of a Jolly Roger with orange hair and a blue-and-white, striped bandana.

"Vell, you can't call the police vithout this," Ivankov taunted. Nami gasped.

"Hey! That's my phone! Why do you have my phone?" Nami cried.

"Once ve heard of your attempts to find us, ve had to do something to stop you," Ivankov explained. Luffy then screamed out in rage.

"BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!" Luffy yelled before punching the flat scree so hard, it broke.

"Now what? Do we just go upstairs and beat their asses?" Zoro asked everyone.

"You're not. You'd get us all lost," Sanji explained.

"Excuse me?" Zoro cried. Then, the ground began to shake.

"Earthquake!" Sanji cried. Then, many okamas came out of the floor and from the ceiling.

"Welcome to Newkama Land, a crossdressing art thieves' paradise!" The okamas greeted the search party. Sanji turned very green.

"Oh, God, I think I'm gonna be sick!" Sanji cried before making a run to the bathroom.

"Und, now, a poem about my lovely okamas," Ivankov said over the P.A.

"_Und, there they went, the okamas of Newkama Land._  
><em>Some vere in cages, some vere on stripper poles.<em>  
><em>Some vere dressed as schoolgirls, some vere dressed in bondage and S&amp;M gear.<em>  
><em>Some vere fat, some vere thin.<em>  
><em>Some had leg hair, some had shaved legs.<em>  
><em>Some vore makeup, some vore five o'clock shadow.<em>  
><em>Some vere young, some vere old<em>  
><em>Some vere transsexuals, some vere<em> -"

"Three Sword Style: Ashura!" Zoro yelled as he pulled three swords out of nowhere and sliced up the P.A. system.

"After all okamas! You know who we came here for!" Mihawk yelled as everyone charged into the crowd of okamas/art thieves.

_Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting_  
><em>Those kicks were fast as lightning<em>  
><em>In fact, it was a little bit frightening<em>  
><em>But they fought with expert timing<em>

"Mihawk, you know what to do!" Crocodile yelled.

"Yeah! Get Doflamingo and Shanks, get Shanks to grow his manhood back, and get out of here!" Mihawk yelled back as he hit an okama in the head with his sword.

"What about my cell phone?" Nami cried. Mihawk grabbed her by the wrist.

"You're coming with me. You're the Ariadne to my Cobb, and we're going into Limbo together to get Robert Fischer - Shanks and Doflamingo - back from Mal," Mihawk explained as he and Nami began to run.

_There were funky China men from funky Chinatown_  
><em>They were chopping them up<em>  
><em>They were chopping them down<em>  
><em>It's an ancient Chinese art<em>  
><em>And, everybody knew their part<em>  
><em>From a faint into a slip<em>  
><em>And a kickin' from the hip<em>  
><em>Everybody was Kung Fu fighting<em>  
><em>Those kicks were fast as lightning<em>  
><em>In fact it was a little bit frightning<em>  
><em>But they fought with expert timing<em>

"Good luck up there, Nami!" Vivi yelled before kicking an okama in his nuts.

"Say hi to Shanks-sensei for us!" Kazuma said as he hit an okama on his head with his kendo pole.

"I will, Kazuma. I will," Nami said before she and Mihawk made a break for the elevator.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending Note: Review if you want to see the final chapter.<strong>


	15. Ice Cream and Weddings Ever After

**Author's Note: **And, now, the finale of **Of Vegas Marriages, Genderbends, and Kenan and Kel! **I have to admit, I had a lot of fun working on this fic, and I'm sad that it's ending. But, don't worry, I'm writing up a Nami x Luffy/Luffyko fanfic that will be posted very soon, AND I started the movie to **One Piece: Parallel Works**, which is titled **One Piece: Parallel Works - Dream Within a Dream**, which is an Inception AU.

Without further ado, let's start the last chapter of a very fun fic.

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, "Dream is Collapsing" from Inception, "Sweet Transvestite" from _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_, or "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele.**

* * *

><p>Nami and Mihawk stood in the elevator, which was taking them up to Ivankov and his two higer-up trannies, Inazuma and the gay, crossdressing ballerina with swans on his back.<p>

**(Background Song: Dream is Collapsing, from Inception)**

"Ready to go?" Nami nervously asked Mihawk.

"Always," Mihawk said as he gripped the edge of his sword.

"I've got one more thing to ask you - You're waiting for a train," Nami said.

"A train that will take you far away," Mihawk added.

"You know where you hope this train will take you, but you can't know for sure," Nami explained.

"But, it doesn't matter," Mihawk said.

"Because we'll be together!" Nami and Mihawk shouted as the elevator doors opened to the suite Ivankov was staying in. Nami and Mihawk cautiously entered the room.

"I just hope he doesn't have an okama from France named Mal," Mihawk said. Then, the epic music from Inception stopped with a record scratch as our villain entered the room.

"_How d'you do?_  
><em>I see you've met my faithful handyman<em>  
><em>He's just a little brought down because when you knocked,<em>  
><em>He thought you were the candyman.<em>

_Don't get strung out by the way that I look,_  
><em>Don't judge a book by its cover<em>  
><em>I'm not much of a man by the light of day,<em>  
><em>But, by night, I'm one hell of a lover<em>  
><em>I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.<em>

_So, let me show you around, maybe play you a sound_  
><em>You look like you're both pretty groovy<em>  
><em>Or, if you want something visual that's not too abysmal,<em>  
><em>We could take in an old Steve Reeves<em> - " Ivankov sang before Mihawk cut him off.

"Where are Shanks and Doflamingo?" Mihawk asked Ivankov. Ivankov pressed a button and the bed sunk into the ground. In its place was a cage you would find at a strip club. Doflamingo and Shanks sat in it, playing cards.

"A Straight Flush? You suck!" Shanks yelled before throwing the cards in Doflamingo's face. Ivankov facepalmed.

"How did I get stuck vith these idiots?" Ivankov asked himself. "Anyway, zat's beside the point. They are my bitches now, so -"

Mihawk and Nami began laughing.

"Okay, how am I gonna take you seriously as a final boss now? This boss battle against you makes Mal, Sephiroth, Pippa, the Millennium Earl, Voldemort, Gideon Gordon Graves, Aizen, and Walpurgisnacht more frightening in comparison," Nami explained. Ivankov pulled out a gun.

"Make one more comment like that, und the lesbian teacher gets it!" Ivankov yelled.

"I'm not a lesbian! You genderbent me last night!" Shanks explained. Mihawk stepped forward.

"Bring it on. You don't scare me," Mihawk said evilly. Ivankov smiled.

"In zat case... DEATH VINK!" Ivankov yelled. But, Mihawk cut the cage in half with his sword and threw Shanks in the direction of the Death Wink, turning her back into a him. "VHAT THE HELL?"

Shanks looked at himself. The bra under his shirt was defintely going to go.

"I have balls again!" Shanks proclaimed.

"Not now, Shanks. Save it for when you get drunk," Mihawk explained.

"Well, Mihawk, I now have the balls to kick this guy in the balls," Shanks explained before he kicked Ivankov in the crotch so hard, he fell to the floor.

"Owwww! I want my mommy!" Ivankov sobbed as Nami tied him up.

"Looks like our work here is done," Doflamingo said.

"Thank God! I have FINALLY caught a break on this trip!" Nami said as the four dragged Ivankov into the elevator.

"Me too. Having boobs sucks. Looking at them on SOMEBODY ELSE, well, it's a whole different story," Shanks explained.

"Speak for yourself. At least you weren't kidnapped by a psycho bitch all because you ran after an ice cream truck," Doflamingo said.

"They should place bans on those types of trucks after dark. It leads to very bizarre shit going down," Nami explained as the elevator doors opened on the casino floor.

"Nami-swan!"

"Is Shanks-sensei a man again?"

"We called in a SWAT team. I hope to God that helps."

The search party approached Nami, looking for news on Shanks, Doflamingo, and Ivankov. Nami smiled.

"We won," Nami said with a smile. Everyone in the search party cheered, because the stripper art thief, the gay, crossdressing ballerina with the swans on his back, and Inazuma were defeated after a long weekend of adventure in Las Vegas.

* * *

><p>The next day, it was the secret wedding between Doflamingo and Crocodile, and all of the search party all came to the wedding to celebrate the union of the couple that brought them together.<p>

"Do you, Sir Crocodile, take Donquixote Doflaimgo to be your lawfully wedded house husband?" The priest officiating the wedding - a large, bear-like man who told everyone to call him "Bartholomew Kuma" - asked Doflamingo and Crocodile.

"I do," Crocodile said.

"And, do you, Donquixote Doflamingo, take Sir Crocodile to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Kuma asked Doflamingo.

"I do, heh heh heh," Doflamingo said with a laugh.

"Now, is there anything anyone would like to say before we wed these two?" Kuma asked everyone. After a long moment of silence, an ice cream truck drove by.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Crocodile, Doflamingo Mihawk, Shanks, Luffy, Ace, Sabo, Usopp, Yasopp, Kazuma, Yuki-Rin, Hana, Zoro, Nami, Vivi, Aki, Heathcliffe, Holden, Soren, Kartik, Robin, Sanji, Matsu, Law, Bonney, X. Drake, Apoo, Hawkins, and Hancock all yelled at once before they ran off to get ice cream. Kuma sweatdropped.

"Well, then..." Kuma commented. After a round of ice cream, the wedding ceremony was over, and everyone was at a small reception in the Monte Carlo.

"Everyone, I would like to propose a toast - To Vegas marriages, genderbends, and Kenan and Kel!" Crocodile said as he raised his glass. "Who loves orange soda?"

"Kel loves orange soda!" The search party - now a wedding party - answered back as they toasted their glasses, celebrating a gay wedding and an adventure in Las Vegas. A few hours later, everyone was preparing to leave Vegas to go home to Lougetown.

"Bye, Kartik! Bye, Matsu!" Crocodile said good-bye to the classy couple.

"Take care," Kartik said.

"See you tomorrow, Shanks-sensei!" Luffy said before he went into Yasopp's minivan.

"Remember, you have a test on resources in China tomorrow!" Shanks called out as Yasopp drove off. Only Shanks, Doflamingo, Crocodile, and Mihawk remained as they got into Mihawk's newly-repaired Prius.

"Well, it's about time we saddled up and headed home," Doflamingo said.

"I have to admit, that was actually a pretty fun trip," Mihawk explained as he pulled out of the parking garage of New York New York.

"Same here, even though Shanks and I were kidnapped for most of the time. The shrimp cocktail Hancock gave me was kickass," Doflamingo said.

"I personally liked getting into a fight with a showgirl," Crocodile said. Doflaimgo, Mihawk, and Shanks gave him weird looks. "It's out with the old and in with the new, okay? No more womanizing and booty calls for me."

An ice cream truck drove past them.

"Holy motherf[bleep]k, it's an ice cream truck!" Mihawk said as he began to follow the ice cream truck. Crocodile, Shanks, and Doflamingo sweatdropped.

"Where's it going?" Shanks asked Mihawk.

"It's headed to Lougetown. It's got the address of the company on it, and it's in Lougetown," Mihawk explained as the four - and everyone else in the search/wedding party - followed the ice cream truck home.

**The End**

* * *

><p><strong>End Credits: The Adele song "Rolling in the Deep" plays as various scenes from the fic are shown as snapshots.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue:<strong>

The next afternoon, Sanji walked into the restaurant Baratie, where he was head chef.

"Oh, Sanji, please pack your knives and go. We need you to be at some cooking convention," Sanji's boss, Zeff, explained.

"Okay, then. Where is it?" Sanji asked Zeff.

"Las Vegas," Zeff answered. Sanji then promptly fainted.

* * *

><p><strong>Final Note: Review this fic, and be on the lookout for my Nami x Luffyfem!Luffy fic!**


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